A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi. my boyfriend is a very nice person and is very caring. recently he has been quite violent and aggresive. i dont know whats wrong. ive asked him and he says nothing is bothering him. can anyone help me please.
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female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 If he doesn't want to talk, there isn't much you can do. I can suggest asking his family/friends if anything significant happened. Or trying to take a better, more calming, tone.
If by violent you mean he has physically hurt you, you should take a break or end the relationship.
A
female
reader, dorothy2342 +, writes (31 January 2010):
 Don't worry about finding out what he is up set about. The most important thing you need to understand is that nothing gives someone the right to take out their anger and agression on you. Nothing. First thing you need to do is leave. Then you can meet him in a public place like a restaurant and talk. Tell him he needs to complete anger management classes and counsiling before you will consider continuing the relationship. If he doesn't want too then tell him so long. All of that so nice, so sweet, so thoughtful stuff doesn't matter. No one can be sweet enought to get you butt whipped over or suffer emotional abuse from. He won't stop on his own, it will only get worse until you leave and force him to get the help HE needs. Don't let him blame you for his actions. There is no excuse for abuse.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 January 2010):
I know you don't want to leave, no one ever does. That's why so many women get killed every year.
What I'm saying is that if you hang around nagging at him or trying to be extra nice then it WILL NOT WORK. He'll just get worse and worse.
If you leave and show him you are serious about wanting him to get sorted out then it will be a kick up the arse and he will probably open up and get him self sorted out so he can get you back.
Men sometimes need cups of tea and back rubs and they sometimes need a dose of cold hard reality. When it's got to the point where he's being violent, it's time for some reality.
You cannot help him by being his punching bag.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont want to leave him if i can avoid it i just want to know how i can find out whats wrong with him.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 January 2010):
If he's not willing to talk to you then you are not going to help the situation by being there.
Clearly, you are just going to be his punching bag and add stress to him, what ever the matter is.
So tell him you love him and will wait for him to sort out what ever his problem is, and then go. Cut contact and tell him to give you a call when he's sorted out his anger and is willing to start being a decent boyfriend again.
Staying there and getting hurt will not help him OR you.
Walk away before he spirals and kills any chance of the relationship being saved.
Good Luck!! xx
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