A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all I’d really like some input as to weather I’m being over sensitive . My partner and I don’t see eye to eye on certain matters and I am having a problem distinguishing if I am being too sensitive or if he is missing empathy and human compassion . He’s quite a detached person in many ways and this has caused quite a few issues communication wise between us however there are quite a few specific examples that may help to clarify what I’m wondering about . For example most recently he has been on a trip to India and saw the burning of bodies by the Ganges river . He wrote to me that day and told me how amazing it was to see . I was like oh that sounds intense . The out of the blue he sends a video . He had actually filmed a body being cremated . I didn’t watch but to me this was so typical of the type of thing he does . Absolutely zero consideration of the person or respect . Just entertainment fodder. It was like when the beheading videos were posted online several years ago he deliberately sought them out to look at them. I don’t mean to imply that his lack of empathy ( or me perceiving it that way ) just extends to some interest in the macarbre , it’s not that . He is also the sort of person who will consistently say people are bing ridiculous if they display emotion or get upset . Recently I was upset and crying and I swear he smirked . I considered some type of Aspergers by having worked with people with this condition he doesn’t fit so many of the other criteria. He’s not socially awkward . He gets on well with others at work , is very successful , cries during movies at emotional scenes , even ads and can be very emotional when it comes to himself . Am I being over sensitive about all this stuff
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female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (2 March 2020):
 I was in a relationship with my ex for 15 years and his lack of empathy for others was astonishing. I only saw this side of him when we began living together. Once we lived together then I met his siblings. This is where I saw the gravity of the lack of empathy. They would turn their noses up to anyone struggling in their lives, homeless people or even loved ones that were ill. I was serious ill with a tumor that was causing me to go blind. All he said to me was "I'm praying for you" I once confronted them all about how their behaviour was appalling towards other people in need and that they proclaim to be Christians. Shame on you. They had the nerve to say I was the problem.Out of the blue one day my ex partner proclaimed that he took an ex footballer who was homeless for a coffee and asked him what went wrong in his life. I didn't believe him. He never showed anyone any compassion in all the years I knew him. He took such offence to that and tried to punish me by giving me the silent treatment for 6 months. Once I had my surgery I left him. Your BF behaviour is lacking compassion and respect for the dead. We live in a world now that everything must be recorded and shared. They lack the human ability to be reserved and respectful of certain things.This is a red flag. I'd end this relationship and move on. Who knows what he could do in the future, maybe even to you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2020): Creepy guy.Everyone says....If only I could have seen the signs ....they are looking at you right in the face. How long have you been seeing him? Nothing is wrong with you....If you feel that way being with him he is not the one for you.A relationship should enhance you and make you happy.That does not sound like what is going on with you.He is creepy how do you not see that?You can do way better than him and you know it.You are worth it ....aim higher.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 February 2020):
 I honestly, get what you say.
The whole burning bodies at the river Ganges, I get the "fascination" with the notion that once people are dead we need no fuss but just to go back to the earth. Like the Zoroastrians who put their dead people out on isolated rock cliffs to be cleansed and eaten by carrion birds. I get that notion. In a way I think it's preferable to the Western idea of pumping the bodies full of horrible chemicals and boxing them up underground. But I wouldn't really want to watch it. Nor would I take pictures of it. It's a little like people rubbernecking when there is a accident on the high way. Or if the police put up yellow tape, the curiosity of what happened outweigh the respect for whomever died, got hurt, or the people trying to work.
I suppose that is besides the point.
The whole beheading though, yeah I couldn't watch that either. And I'd honestly think it rather creepy for someone to seek those videos out to watch them. Makes me think of that sicko who ran Nexium... *pukes in my mouth a little*. Who "conducted medical experiments" by showing videos of 3 women and a child being beheaded. Except it WASN'T a medical anything, it was more to classify the "subjects" and how easily they were to be manipulated. Effing disgusting.
Are you being over sensitive? I don't think so. While he might have a different view of death that you do, it doesn't mean YOU are wrong and he is right. Or vice verse, you two just hold different views on several things, such as what is appropriate to film and watch and share, what is respectful to do and not do in certain situations.
Does he lack empathy ? Maybe, maybe he is just very low on the Emotional IQ - here is a link to elaborate.
(https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence)
What you describe, seems callous to me. My husband have seen some grim stuff in both Iraq and Afghanistan and he certainly didn't take pictures or relay it in details to me.
It might be that he just doesn't know how to deal with emotional people or situations. OR that he is a bit... on the narcissistic side, only really concerned with things revolving around HIM. Those can be very charming and very dynamic in work environments because THEY benefit. Of course I can't SAY that he is one, as I am in no way shape or form a psychiatrist or able to diagnose a total stranger. Just saying that I feel it's really murky territory of oddly lack of compassion and respect for both the dead strangers and you.
Belittling someone for being emotional is sometimes very callous and other times, understandable. I guess it's very situational.
It's one of those things that makes YOU go: "hmm... something feels off" otherwise you wouldn't have written to DC about it.
Are they deal breakers? That is something only you can answer.
Your post kind of presumed that there MUST be something wrong with you and your feelings and I am curious as to why you feel that way.
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