A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I'm 30 years old. Been with my bf for six years he's 32 years old. He's good to me, he's affectionate, loving, kind, considerate, charming etc. I just moved in with him in his parents home,I know what it sounds like, I was going through some situations with my family I had to move out immediately. His parents offered to help me out anyways. He has ADHD, he's a little irresponsible, he goes to his friends house everyday, and forget he has things to get done. For example; His job required him to take a drug test before starting the position, he had to get that done since this summer passing. He started the position without the drug test. The Supervisor is now reminding him to take it immediately. He's still not making the priority to go along with other things he needs to get done, instead his friends is on his mind. He always puts his friends first when has to get things done. i'am a very attractive sexual women never cheated on him ever, im saying this because his sexual drive is very low... This Fucker had the nerve to talk to other women for months, women from his pass. I knew he was being sneaky, he would accuse me of cheating just acting insecure. I went through his phone and found things... lots of things. Than just recently; last night he compared my bestfriends's boyfriend to him self. Saying what if such an such was a good guy like me, but just have an appetite for other women. Do you think she still would be with him ? His question to me, I said absolutely not she wouldn't stay. He treats me like a queen, but has an appetite for other women, should I leave him ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2020): You made him out to be a Prince Charming one-minute; and halfway through the post, you're calling him a phocker!
He's no prince if he's checking-out other females, while he's with you. Girlfriend, I think you've described a "player!"
He's obviously avoiding the drug-testing, because he'll test positive! You're not a queen, and he's not a king; so he shouldn't be giving you or anyone else the royal treatment. That's too good to be true kind of stuff! Seems to me he's an adept player; and knows just how to butter you up.
If you call somebody a "phocker;" and proceed to go through their phone...and find stuff!!! I guess you can just start the count-down until this is over.
You may have to turn-in your crown; and find other living-accommodations. Seems he has the upper-hand at the moment. You need a place to stay, but meanwhile...he's creeping!
ADHD doesn't make you forget you have to get a drug test; his boss will continue to remind him. They will likely fire him. If short-handed, they will use him; and then fire him! He will not qualify for his unemployment-compensation; because he didn't comply with the company's drug-testing policy. If he drives a truck, or transports passengers, or operates heavy-equipment; that's often a federal-requirement deemed by the US Department of Transportation. In that case, it's not just an option, it's the law!
His company will be fined, if he has an accident while transporting a specific number of passengers; or if he drives a truck of a certain size. If he drives a bus, limo, truck, or operates heavy-equipment, he hasn't complied with the drug-testing policy. They can fire him on the spot. No unemployment-compensation! He's okay, if it's just a company policy; and they decide to wave, or delay his testing. Remind him to get his testing done, it would be a shame to lose his job over it.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 February 2020):
 when you find a guy who will really treat you like a queen, he will offer you your own castle, and it won't take nim six years to buy a ring. You need a better experience so you can raise your expectations.
BTW I agree with honey, this guy has all the symptoms of a long term pot abuser.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 February 2020):
 He sounds like an kid, to be honest.
Having ADHD is not an excuse for not doing what is required, like the drug-testing. And certainly not something that he can just not do for as long as he has gotten away with it.
I mean what do YOU hope to get out of a relationship? Because it sound to me that you are not getting an equal partner but a man-child. Someone who wants to go hand out with his friend every day, can't remember important stuff like going to get drug tested (which takes an hour tops in most places, I know this because my oldest daughter had to renew this for her new medical she gets through work.) And most places you don't even have to set up an appointment, you can just WALK in.
He WILL get fired if he doesn't do it, ADHD or not. And then what?
Are you sure he doesn't DO drugs? Like smoke pot/weed and that is why he is "oh so forgetful" about getting tested?
He still lives at home at age 32.
(One thing is having to temporarily live with your/his parents, another is to STILL live with your/his parents as adults).
He obviously talks to other women, so is his ADHD an excuse for that too?
Is that what you call treat you like a queen? Because, sure many REAL ACTUAL royals (as in Kings) cheated on their wives (the Queen) but the usual excuse was that they were in an arranged marriage and couldn't CHOOSE who they got married to and had to live with. You guys DON'T HAVE that excuse.
You also mention a that he has a low sex drive. SO he can talk to other women and "have an appetite" for other women but not keep you sexually satisfied? Is THAT what you want in a long term partner?
You also mention that he ALWAYS puts his friends first. What is he? 15? Nope, he is 32. And he still acts like a teenager.
I get that HIS parents (not him) have given you a roof over your head and that you are grateful, but does that mean you HAVE to overlook behavior in him you that you don't approve of nor want in a partner?
In short, he sounds like an immature, irresponsible man-child who isn't going to "grow up" anytime soon. The whole "he treats me like a queen" is such a cliche for saying he doesn't exactly mistreat me. Because you mention that he neglects you over his friends, he might lose his job, he lives with his parents, and he is chatting up other women. That is NOT exactly stellar BF behavior.
You ask if you should leave him. My answer is this, I think you already know.
The question is, ARE you ready to stand on your own two feet? Do you have a job? Can you find a roof over you head, that you can afford on your own? I'd say find yourself a place you CAN afford, if that had to be a room-mate situation then look for a FEMALE room mate and move out.
And next time, don't make excuses for a guy because he is not a total twat. Look for a man who HAS his shit together. Someone who can ADD to your life and you can ADD to his. Not someone you would be "mothering".
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 February 2020):
 Yes you should. Regardless of ADHD, he hasn’t “grown up”. He’s still behaving like an 18 year old. You also probably shouldn’t be with someone you refer to as “the fucker” or who “has an appetite” for other women.
I do wonder a bit about your attitude, but that’s not the question. Should you leave him? I think that would be best, but it’s up to you.
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