A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I really need help. My boyfriend and I are having differences, and when there is a fight ...he yells so much and then blames me for starting the fight and then goes on saying that i am manipulating him and or the situation and that i am making myself look like the victim. In fact, I am just hurt and tried to let him know he is hurting me but then he just angers up and blows at me again making me feel awful. I need just some advice and suggestion in communicating with him so maybe it will get through to him... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fiera  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 rk06 ...as wonderful as that sounds...i've tried it, it's a quick fix...but won't last forever...he'll go back to his immature self pretty quick...trueheartconfused, i agree the letter thing really does work you should give it a try
A
male
reader, rk06  +, writes (2 May 2007):
 You need to sit down with him sometimes when you arent arguing. Talk, and explain that you dont like it when you argue. Tell him how much it hurts to argue with someone that you love. Then ask if he has any ideas of how you both can avoid arguments in the future.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused +, writes (2 May 2007):
When my boyfriend and I are having fights , I like to write him emails or letters , I would put my feelings on piece of paper, that way I have more time to think what I have to say , and it also prevents me from saying something hurtful that I would regret later. I found this way very effective, during the process of writing and putting your thoughts together, sometimes it makes me realize it is not such a big deal, or it is actually my fault , and if it is really his fault , once he reads the letter , it is easier for him to apologize to me since we are not verbally hurting each other .
I encourage you to give this a try , you might like how it turns out .
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 May 2007):
 Fights are nearly always optional. A disagreement doesn't need to descend into a slanging match where you both end up saying things you don't mean. Telling someone you don't want to fight and keeping your voice calm and quiet is often enough to stop fights brewing. That's not to say you shouldn't discuss any issues that are coming between you (although try to limit them to the huge issues) but when you're discussing them don't raise your voice or interrupt your partner, listen to what they have to say. It's possible to resolve most arguments this way.
CD
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