A
female
age
36-40,
*ittleTwoLegs
writes:Am I doing the right thing?My boyfriend and I have currently called it quits. It was hard to believe that it could end, he would tell me he wanted to be with me forever and hint at moving in together and perhaps one day having children, but it did. However, we've talked and neither of us has put complete certitude into the split, and have not thrown away the idea of starting over at a better time in our lives, say when he moves here to attend med school or when I get the priorities in my life straightened out.We've been apart for near two months now, and haven't seen each other at all in that time...but we have been talking. (email, phone, etc.) I initially told him I thought it best that we cut off completely, but changed my mind because it's just very hard to be without communication with such a golden person as he. I have been experiencing a world of emotions about it lately--happiness that things will work out, anger that I have changed throughout our relationship and now have to reinvent myself, and sometimes I wish he never knew me at all.I understand that these emotions are typical, but I'm trying to think of what would be the most healthy way of going about things now that we are officially seperated...and today I figured I'd simply cut off contact as I'd initially suggested. I had the idea that we could remain really good friends, but when it comes down to it I have to confront myself and say that I inevitably do want him to be mine, and right now that's impossible, so would a friendship even be worth it? I sort of felt like it's just foolish to tease myself like that, and further tempt my emotions. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): There was obviously a good reason for the two of you to decide to end things.
You both need to be able to move on with your lives - separately, at this point. You both need to sort out your feelings and thoughts, and you are having a hard time with this.
Generally speaking, once a relationship has ended its better to cut it off completely; not to try to remain "friends" because one of you (as you have stated) will inevitably harbor a faint hope of getting back together.
Trust your instinct and let it go completely now. He knows you want what's best for him, and that you have fond memories; presumably he wishes the same for you. That is enough at this point.
And IF in another six months or a year, even, with no contact whatsoever, he wants to get back with you, then you can reconsider - bearing in mind that there would need to be a mutual, serious commitment to working out the issues that led to the breakup to begin with.
Let it go entirely now, and you may well find yourself in a very different frame of mind.
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