A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My bf always seems to have to do something to poke at me or to tear me down a little bit. He thinks I just don't get his sense of humor. As I am the butt of his inane, slightly bullying humor, I guess I don't find his humor sweet and cute, especially when he repeats the same stupid thing over and over, and over. He'll get on a kick and stay on that kick until I get mad, and then I'm this angry awful person. His humor is on par with that of the little boy who dips the girl's pony tail in the ink well. It's fun for the little boy, but after a number of times of getting her pony tail dipped, the little girl will scream. I've asked him many times to stop some of the irritating things, but he doesn't stop until I get angry about it. Don't get me wrong, I like playful teasing. But, I don't find his teasing pleasurable. If he finds something that irritates me, he'll do it over and over just to pester me. Two examples of his brand of teasing are:1. If I was falling asleep at night while we we're in bed watching TV, he would startle me to wake me up. He did this repeatedly in the same evening and then repeated it on different weekends. Asking him to stop was useless. So, I did it back to him one night. After the 2nd time I awoke him, he told me in an angry voice "You'd better knock it off." After that he just had to do it to me one more time before he quit doing it altogether. That was awhile ago, and as of recent he is starting to do it again. Except, now it's when I fall asleep on the couch instead of in bed.2. He thought it was fun to kick me in the butt a few times every weekend. It wasn't a hard kick. Even though I commented I didn't like it, he would continue to do it. It felt rather disrespectful and it felt like a slight. I told him I didn't find kicks in the butt affectionate or loving. After that comment, he did stop kicking. But, he'll find something else to pester me with, repeatedly. It's his way. Is this how grown men behave? Am I a just a spoiled sport, or is he being immature and disrespectful?
View related questions:
immature, teasing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. The answers were hard to take, and I think that is why I wasn't able to thank you sooner. Please forgive me for that. (I have to admit, the 'woodshed' comment still makes me laugh. If only that would solve the problem! ;-) )We don't live together, but we do stay together every weekend, and I've been seeing him for five years. He has his good qualities and I like his companionship. I just don't like that when something goes wrong in our relationship, (such as I described regarding the teasing/bullying), that he cannot see his shortcomings. It's frustrating for me that he cannot acknowledge the effects his behaviors have on me. I don't think he intentionally hurts me. I think he has a bit of the "golden child" syndrome. He's the apple of his mother's eye and he can do no wrong. Everybody loves him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): I think his behaviour sounds disgusting. It sounds like he is going far beyond friendly teasing. It appears that he needs to put you down so that he feels OK...which means he has some serious issues related to self esteem, or some kind of power addiction. I agree with the previous post, that he probably needs counseling, (or taken to the woodshed.)
...............................
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (23 March 2011):
 No, this is not how grown men behave. This is how someone whose emotional growth has been arrested at the age of 11 or 12 behaves. Comparing his behavior to that of the boy that dips the girl's pigtails in ink was dead on. The behavior you have described here is beyond immature. I don't think anyone would "get" the humor of being kicked in the butt or repeatedly awakened from sleep. Most would be irritated until pushed to anger as you have. You are not being a spoil sport. Your behavoir is normal; his is not. You don't say how long you have been in this relationship, or how long this behavior has been going on. If you do not have a lot invested in this relationship, I would advise you to leave this man. I don't often advise that, and I am truly sorry dear, but I see the makings of a sadist here. However, I am not a mental health professional, so take my advice with a grain of salt.Best of luck to you,TEM
...............................
A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (23 March 2011):
You are not being a spoil sport. He is being very immature and highly disrespectful. This is not how grown men behave. He thinks he's teasing and being funny. However, you pegged it much better when you referred to it as bullying. That's what it is. His reaction to you doing it to him told me everything. He has an issue and doesn't see it. Frankly, I would dump him. If he's in your age range, he isn't going to change. Get out and find someone who acts like a man and not an ass.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Your husband is being immature and disrespectful. If my boyfriend did this to me after I repeatedly asked him to stop I would tell him that I think we should have separate live arrangements. That will surly make him realize how his humor is affecting you. If it doesn't then he needs counseling, he gets pleasure from other peoples misery,
...............................
|
