A
female
age
,
*handygirl
writes:Hi everyone!I have an ongoing issue, and I have sadly reached a conclusion. But I need input.My boyfriend is 12 yrs younger than me. I am 53 and he is 41. We have been living together for 2 yrs.The issue is that he ogles younger girls when we are out together. NOT a casual glance, but staring or constantly looking at the girl during the entire time that she is there.We were at a party for the 4th of July, and there was an attractive 17 yr old girl, with her boyfriend. He was constantly staring at her, and by the end of the evening, She was following him with her eyes everywhere he went also. It is like he has a subliminal "Love Affair" with ANY nice looking girl he is around. And It happens ALL THE TIME.I have spoken to him on this issue, and fought with him about it also, but it doesn't change anything.When he goes out alone, he sometimes comes back with phone numbers, but he always has an excuse of why he has them. If he ogles girls in front of me, what does he do when I am not around? He tells me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, BUT with his behavior, I fail to believe him. Am I wrong?I have gotten to the point where I dread going out with him. My self esteem level has hit the bottom.We live together, and I am considering kicking him out and finding a roommate.I have never been with anyone who acts like this. Any input would help. I don't even care if it would be sarcastic.....
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affair, roommate, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (9 July 2008):
shandygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks everyone for taking the time to answer my plea for help. I am going to work towards getting rid of him... I am tired of being in a unhappy situation, and life is too short! THANKS AGAIN!
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Alright, if he was just doing a little staring at the pretty girls as they walked by, I would chalk that up to him being male and tell you it means nothing at all.
But excessive staring? Even if the girl has a boyfriend? And coming home with phone numbers?!
Staring does not result in phone numbers and if your boyfriend hiding away his phone from you, you should assume he has something to hide.
You've put up with all this crap for WHAT reason?
Already you've tried to talk to him about it and all he does is continue to disrespect your wishes to your face.
Dump him and get a room mate, this guy obviously has no respect for you and would prefer to be the 40 year old man perving on females half his age.
xo
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (8 July 2008):
I think you are doing the right thing. I think you know deep down he is not being honest with you.
Kick him out and find a man who resepcts you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): hi i do feel for u, being older than the guy in question makes u feel insecure but imagine if u were younger and he was looking at guys younger than u still! this guy is being extremely insensitive u say u have spoke to him about this but have u told him how ur comtemplating breaking up and about your serious trust issues because of his leering behaviour. either way I would ditch him, u dont deserve to be treated like that. The other reply posts say guys stare but not all guys stare quite so obviously! As for the numbers then thats the tip of the iceberg, he obviously has gone further than staring, probably flirting and chatting (obviously to get the numbers) so as you say what else...
Either way Good Luck with ur decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): The phone numbers thing is over the top and the constant staring is way excessive too. I also like to look at attractive younger women and my wife even points them out to me if I miss one while we are out. However, I don’t stare the entire time they are in sight. My wife and I are both 63 and she is better looking than at least 90% or the women her age, so the only ones for me to look at are the younger ones. Of course, younger to me is those in their 40s.
As far as what does he do when you are not around? I don’t know about him, but I don’t do anything different than when my wife is with me. I occasionally get a return look that I don’t get when my wife is with me, but that is about it.
I think that it is perfectly acceptable for both men and women to look at those of the opposite sex, but he has gone way too far. I can understand your discomfort and displeasure and if he doesn’t stop this level of behavior then perhaps it is time to get rid of him. However, don’t give up on all men because of just this one. Guys like to look and you will have to put up with that with most any guy, but there is no reason to put up with his level of behavior. He is not getting phone numbers because he just likes to collect numbers.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Guys look. It's just a fact, and it's not going to change. If it gets to the point where, say, the woman in question, or her escort, becomes offended by it, then he really HAS carried it too far. But don't expect him to stop looking ... that's NOT going to happen. And there's no reason to feel threatened by that by itself.
If he makes it too real obvious, a remark like "careful there, you'll trip over your tongue" or "OK, you've got her panties off, you can put your eyes back in your head now" or something like that should probably help make him realize that he is making a spectacle of himself and is looking foolish in public.
The business of coming home with phone numbers could be a bit more serious. It takes more than "just looking" to gather digits. Let him know that regardless of the reasons, you need that to stop or your relationship will definitely be at risk. You may have been born at night, but it wasn't LAST night. You'll probably never stop him (nor most guys) from looking, but playing around is another matter entirely. There's no reason you should put up with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): Almost forgot - the phone numbers. Uh huh. Not good unless he's got a genuine reason for having them. Try calling one or two of them and see who answers. Maybe you'll get your own answers from the result of that little test. If he won't let you look at his phone you have cause to be very concerned, and kicking him out might not be a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (8 July 2008):
 If you have already talked to him about this time and time again, and he hasn't changed this, don't you already have your answer? You also have given us your own solution as well, kick him out and get a roommate.
Even a nice guy is tempted to steal a glance at someone else, but they do it without offending their partner, without staring and without getting phone numbers! He's just not a nice guy, and you deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I tried to think of something sarcastic but couldn't come up with anything. Never mind.
His behaviour is unacceptable, pure and simple. Ok - us guys do the occasional bit of talent spotting, but most of us try to be at least a little discreet about it!
I'm not sure if it's so bad a crime that you should kick him out over it, but he's being most disrespectful of you by being in your face about it.
Again, it's a 'man thing'. We all appreciate a fine figure and a nice backside complementing a nice pair of young boobs and we do tend to mentally undress the object of our attention. Women see this behaviour differently to men - unfortunately for us. To our minds it's on the same level as pissing on flies in the gents toilets and quite harmless. A bit of fun. But it shouldn't be done at your displeasure, especially as you've had words about it.
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