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age
36-40,
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writes: So, I havent seen or really heard from a guy I've recently been seeing in a week, save for a Happy Fourth! text message. After calling once and leaving a message on Sunday, I sent the following: "So, should I go through your secretary to schedule a date with you for the month of July, or would August be better". My friends say it comes off as hostile, but I found it rather funny and clever since he's recently piecked up an internship to pair with his full time job and needless to say hes a busy guy. I am aware of this since he told me weeks ago that he'd be busy through September, but you cant fault me for trying to see him. He went on to say "I got out of work after your messages and that I thought I had told you I have a crazy schedule now"...to which I replied "you did. cant fault me for trying though. the last thing I want is to put undue pressure on you. so lets leave it at ill-see-you-when-i-see-you. take it easy Sean"Basically, I want to guage whether I royally messed things up with him, what I should say to him next, if anything. Or, do I painfully wait for him? I must add that his fellow has never had a serious girlfriend since highschool because he was very busy with his work and friends and never found the need for a girlfriend. Plus, he used to be on the heavier side and he does have a bit of a chubby-kid syndrome.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Ahh wit it good!
It makes people laugh. Possibly not the best thing to use when apologizing, but you pulled it off.
Well done!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey so I apologized to him, mentioned that i thought it was a witty little quip, oops? and he responded that its a bit hard to translate that wite through texts, that he was sorry for snapping, that people just want a lot from him nowadays and hes running on empty. So it looks like a good ole' "im sorry" coupled with a genuine "oops" worked best...thanks to all the posters! seriously. i tip my hat to you
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Hmmmm.for someone with a bit fo a chubby complex I imagine he took your comment the wrong way. It does sound a bit insensitive.
But heck, I am the last person to tell people about insensitive jokes ( I make several every day ) but I usually make them to people who know me really well.
But in your defence this boyfriend sounds rather precious if you ask me.
What you really need to decide is if you want to date someone who puts his work and career before his relationship. That really is the bottom line. Some people just like to work all the time, hence the term workaholics. They tend to put everything in their life behind their work, it is all rather sad if you ask me as I believe work is something you do to pay for your life .What is the point of living otherwise. I had a boss who considered socialising a waste of time as he "doesnt do small talk". The man had no personality at all, all the money in the world but nobody to love..sad when you think about it.
But you can't reason very well with a workaholic , they get so immersed into their work lifes that they cannot see what they are missing out on.
Send him a message and apologise to him, tell him it was just a silly joke and you didnt mean to offend him.
But think seriously about this relationship, is it worth constantly having to be careful about what you say for fear of insulting him and moreover being always second to his career. It really is something to think about.
It becomes all about him , and your needs are secondary. Do you want that?
good luck anyway mate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2008): I'd call and ask him at a time you know he'll be free. I've had that problem too. Guessing when they'll be free to talk.
I've found mornings are usually best when they're off work. On work I've found kind of afternoonie (if thats a word) time to work best. Evenings they always seem to be out or busy.
As I said, call him, and ask him what he wants with this relationship. Because, to be fair on you, you can't wait for something that might never happen. Would you rather wait for Sean and hardly ever see him, or try and find someone who you may not like as much, but will be able to talk to you?!
If you can't get through to him, he needs to find out for himself that there is more to life than work. Even friends. Does he want to die lonely?!
Eventually his friends will all get married and start families and I think that will be the point where he'll follow suit.
Didn't know peer pressure can affect older people...you would've thought they'd have authentic minds of their own?!
Now I'm getting off topic, as I was saying try not to assume anything like I kind of am, and communicate with him. Meet up with him and talk if you can, face to face.
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Hi, I think in this case, you have to take your cues from him. He appears to be the kind, from your letter, who enjoys being totally engrossed in his work. It can be a hiding place for him, as you indicated, he was once heavier, so he is probably suffering from a slight inferiority complex, and uses work as his comfort zone, and an excuse not to deal with women. I would not get to carried away with him, because it is going to take some time for him, to come out of his shell, he does not want to get hurt for one thing, and the other thing is, even though overweight people lose weight, they still sometimes see themselves as still being overweight. This causes them to feel a bit inferior even though they are smaller in size, it's a mind thing. So he is going to have to recognize this and want to change, to be involved with women, and to first think of himself as acceptable to women. That's a long road, I am not sure you are up to the time and patience it will probably take, until he gets to some place where he will be receptive to a real relationship. I try being a phone buddy, not push him, but find someone who can reciprocate your feelings. This gentleman would have to recognize the problem, and he may not want to, and he may just like where he is, and your trying to pull him out of it could possibly make him dislike you. It's a thin line. Give him his space, but I would not hang my hat on him being emotionally available, any time soon. Just my opinion, I hope this helps you. Take care always.
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