A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now. I’m having issues because his social media. He brings his exes to it a lot. Particularly one that I caught him having an emotional affair. As well as a bunch of flirting. He sees no issues with telling another woman to come over and she has a great a**. Well, I do. Now she’s on his social media and liking her pictures. How much more am I supposed to take of his drama? He acts single and doesn’t respect me enough to stop with this
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affair, flirt, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2020): How much more are you supposed to take of this drama? You've already taken too much. Wake up and dump his sorry ass.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 January 2020):
 You "guess" you see his priorities? YET you are still dating... why?
This guy is a time waster. And a bad GF, and you know it, yet you cling to him. Ask yourself why and don't do the "BUT I love him"... because that is NOT a good enough reason to let a man treat you like shit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): Thanks everyone!!! I’m the OP
I have decided to let him go. After reading everything it made me realize a lot. Everyone is right, after 3 years of toying with my emotions and making me feel I’m not enough. I can’t see him changing.
Thanks again for the advice, I appreciate it!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): OP, this guy is deficient. He's not measuring up. He doesn't have the necessary qualities to be a good man. Or to be in a committed relationship. Not with you or anyone. These play things will also be hurt eventually because he's such an asshole. If I were you, I'd fight fire with fire. He's already given up on you and your relationship. Start rubbing his face in your renewed confidence and find one guy in particular to flirt with. Let him see it. Then date the guy and dump his pathetic scumbag ass. Guys like this need to be knocked off their self imposed thrones. The punch in the stomach will never change him but it will shock him and make him feel the emotions you feel when he does this shit to you. I know you love him but if you go no contact it will be better. Block him from your social media. You do it first ok? Then totally ignore him. I mean totally. He needs to see you are a strong woman who has just taken a stand. No more bullshit. You're dead serious. Now if he crawls back to you after you stick to your guns tell him that the first incident of bad behaviour means it's over for good. Then stand by that. But if you want my opinion, I think he will just keep doing it because that is who he is. Old habits die hard. Unless he goes to counselling and agreed to work on it and stays on that course, I see no hope. Relationships require lots of work. Married or not. If two people want to put in the work. But he seems to need ego boosts. Deep down he's pretty insecure and selfish. You would never feel safe and comfortable with him. You would develop anxiety about everything he does, if you don't have it already. Anxiety affects your mental and physical health in ways you never imagined. This idiot is not worth all the pain he puts you through.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (31 December 2019):
 How much more? Why have you accepted this in the first place? By staying with him you’re telling him it’s fine to act this way and there’s no punishment. Why would he stop doing it if you continue to stand by him?
I’m sure if you acted the way that he does he would drop you like a bad habit. Where’s your self respect?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): The longer you let this go on for the harder and more painful it will be for you to leave, recover and start a better relationship.
The guy is the kind of guy who needs extra attention and he is also the kind of guy that likes to feel he is 'beating the system' - in other words, he likes the feeling in life generally but also with respect to women, that he is getting something for free or in secret that confirms to him that he should get special treatment or is deserving of more than most - he's acting entitled. This is what narcissists do.
Take a new look at his behaviour and what you describe as him "acting single" - no doubt he is, but think about what underlies it - I bet a sense of entitlement runs through this guy and it is an indicator of big problems to come if you stay. Entitled people cannot and will not think in terms of two or more. They cannot work as a team. They only think of themselves first and foremost and everyone else comes after that. He may sometimes seem like he cares and does nice things, but this will only be AFTER he has put himself first and gotten the 'extras' the he feels he deserves.
Think of this as a time in your life when you learned a lot about what you don't want. Get out of the 'relationship' because the only relationship he is capable of is one with himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2019): What's crazy is you haven't dumped him after he threatened to block you on social media because you dared to tell him that inviting another woman over bothered you.
Stop torturing yourself over this worthless jerk. Get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (30 December 2019):
 So sorry that you're going through this OP.
With that being said; do not wait for him to tell you that he does not want you. He has already showed you that he does not value you. The good news is that you DO NOT have to take this any longer. You can break up with him without any complication since you guys are still in the dating phase. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved. Perhaps it's time for you to move on and find someone that will appreciate you. Only you know what your dealbreakers are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Allow me to be your loving and wise make-believe father. Let me talk to you like a daughter. I'm probably echoing what your real-dad or parents have already told you. Then let me re-emphasize their wisdom for you.
Okay, you've made it to the three-year mark. The "make-it, or break-it phase." Either the relationship evolves, love grows strong, and your relationship matures into something good. You get married, and maybe start a family. Otherwise, it just goes on and on and on. You create a faux-marriage. Living together, combining income and debt. You hang-on in desperation. Watching it slowly deteriorate, as it drags along. While only one of you hopelessly struggles to resuscitate it, as it slowly dies. You're clinging hopelessly; and begging him to stop hurting you. Nothing changes. You fight more than you make-love!
You don't even have to worry about getting a divorce, you can just pack your bags and leave! You could pack his, and send him walking! When is enough, enough??? Married-people have to work it out until they have no other choice. Not boyfriends and girlfriends! They can just go find what they need and deserve.
Boyfriends are not husbands. They don't have to put their heart and soul into a relationship. Even if you share kids together, he's more obligated to his offspring; than he is to the mother of children. One-day women will wake-up and realize this. There is no substitute for the commitment of marriage; and there is a lot of hard-work involved in maintaining a durable and loving-relationship. It takes both of you! It just seems that most poor women are holding-out as long as they can; until their stupid-boyfriends decide they love them enough to propose. I think 3-5 years ought to be enough! That's just me! Then you better make sure your finances are in order, he is gainfully employed; and if push comes to shove, you can support yourself when you're down by one income! Depend on no man! Be prepared to support yourself, and your kids!!! With, or without him!
Dude, poop or get off the pot! Here I am, cooking, cleaning, working my ass off, and hoping against hope! All my friends and sisters are getting married, and making babies; while I'm always somebody's bridesmaid!!! Pretending to be happy for the bride, wearing that hideous dress she picked-out; that I'd be ashamed to wear to a hillbilly ho-down in the backwoods of Appalachia! The timer is about to go-off on my eggs! I'm already plucking the premature-greys! I'm colouring to cover them up! He still isn't showing any signs he'll propose anytime soon!
Boyfriends are disposable and replaceable. You do not have the power to change a grown-man into what you want him to be. He is not a rescue animal. You can stick around as long as you want waiting for that magical-moment he transforms into this adoring prince who gives you everything you've ever wanted. Otherwise, you can assess your relationship for what it is; and kick his sorry-ass to the curb when you see he disrespects you, has his eyes on other women, and has no intention of ever marrying you. But no...instead, women go and have his children. This is supposed to trap the no-count cheating-loser into sticking around. Oh, you've got him trapped alright...but he is miserable! He is either cheating on you, or watching porn; and he won't touch you! He will love his kids dearly; and despise you for trapping him. So you'll retaliate with baby-mama drama! His payback for it, is finding himself another woman to marry. In a quarter of the time you were both together. Learning anything here ladies? Listen when papa is talking to you!
Read your post back to yourself twice; then make a decision. You can keep him, but get all those crazy notions of changing him out of your mind. Your other option is to dump him, and get your act together. Go find somebody who loves you, respects you, and will take your relationship as far as want to take it.
"But I love him!"
Fine, then keep him! Does he love you as much? Then why are you writing DC?
He'll do you the favor of dumping you instead. Then you can read about his engagement to somebody else somewhere on social media; in about six to nine months. Yes, they probably met while you were still together!
Thanks for taking time to read this. Maybe some woman out there has some food for thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): I'm going to assume that he's in your age range and not a youngster. He's old enough to know how to treat a woman with appreciation and respect. He shouldn't have to be told to stop hurting you. It seems he's blatantly flaunting his bad behavior. I'd kick his butt to the curb without delay.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 December 2019):
 When someone shows you by their actions that they don't care what you think, you need to believe them.
While you just put up with his behaviour, he has absolutely no incentive to change it. You are effectively enabling him to treat you this badly.
Now a couple of questions for YOU: Why do you put up with it? Do you think this is all you are worth?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 December 2019):
 When is enough really enough? Only you can answer this OP. The way I see it you have 3 options. 1. Continue to stay with him know what he's doing and not putting your foot down. 2. Calling him out on and giving him an ultimatum 3. Leave.
Its that simple. If it were me, I'd pick option 3. I refuse to put up with liars/cheaters. There are too many good men in the world that will treat you with love and respect. Why are you putting up with this guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Hi, I'm the OP
What's crazy is he threatened to block me off social media, because I told him this is bothering me. He didnt suggest he remove her after he was flirting and inviting her over. I'm pretty shocked! Also hurt. I guess I see his priorities.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 December 2019):
I agree with Auntie Bim Bim,
Only you can decide when enough is enough.
You thinking you can CHANGE is is where you got it wrong. He obviously doesn't CARE how it makes you feel. So why would he change?
What you CAN do is decide is THIS behavior a deal breaker or not. If it is, then END it with him and find someone who WILL treat you right.
Why are you holding on to him? If he has already had an emotional affair and is behaving inappropriate online? I mean how BADLY does he have to behave before you say enough? I will not date someone who acts like this!?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): You can’t tell your partner what to do, and you can’t control what he does. All you can do is communicate to him your feelings. If nothing changes after you tell him how you feel, and you don’t like what he does (it’s a deal breaker), then why are you with him? You’re wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Why are you still with him then? He's not going to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2019): Seriously now? Why exactly would he change when you have shown him that it's okay for him to act this way and that you'l stick around no matter what?!
For crying out loud, have some self respect and leave his sorry ass.
If he doesn't respect you and sees no harm in flirting and telling his ex's to come over then what makes you any different to any of them?
I just wanted to shake you by the shoulders and tell you to wake up. Just because he doesn't respect doesn't mean you shouldn't respect yourself.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2019):
 Only you can decide how much of his drama and disrespect you are going, or supposed, to take.
As long as there are no consequences for his actions he will continue.
Have you tried telling him how his actions make you feel? It may be time for you to reconsider the relationship and decide if he is really the guy for you.
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