A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid,I am so confused! I started dating my boyrfiend 6 months ago and im head over heels in love with him. Ive had so many bf's and never fell inlove before. A few months ago i truly felt that he was the one and i wanted everything with him. Marriage, a house, kids. Like i Said i love him more then anything he is my baby. but i have a huge problem! My mom HATES him! he is a total jerk around everyone but me and i feel like i have to constantly make excuses for him. He is rude to people and is always trying to fight, Not to mention he has a drinking problem. Its completely embarrassing to me and i feel i cant bring him around my friends and family. I love him so much and im so emotionally into this relationship, i dont know what to do. we have completely different views on respect and how people should be treated. I love him but i HATE those qualities in him. What should i do?! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): Great advice has already been given, I've only got one more thing to say. Please keep in touch and update us on your situation. If he's making everyone around you angry, you may find yourself alone with him with nobody around to support you. Don't forget we are always here to listen, and to provide the best help we can. Take care of you always babes....
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (30 August 2008):
 This post has gotten me alarmed.
Dear poster, I don't know if you're going to believe me or not, but your boyfriend shows the signs of a dangerous individual and a probable future abuser. It's ringing so many warning bells here.
Please read these, and decide:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/dating-red-flags.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html
I few days before, I saw a documentary on Biography channel about the dangers of dating of this era. It classed the dangers that lurk around dating, along with examples and personal testimonies. Then it got into the teenage dating and they presented to examples on how teenage dating can be dangerous if not prevented. The first one presented a girl who had a boyfriend who sounds a lot like yours. He was highly anti-social, openly hated people but remained a "soft" spot for his girlfriend. The girl had your same ideal "he is a lost soul. I must be there for him. He wil change to the good".
People around her saw her change of attitude to a negative one and they knew the influence was him. Some things that were never told by her, but later found were that he controlled her, abused her both emotionally and physically, and had her at his grasp. Finally she realized his dangerous side and tried to end things with him. He killed her.
Like the other posters said, it's SO very hard to change a person, and in reality, the only person you can change is yourself. But please PLEASE take some cautions with this guy, as I wouldn't wish never ever for you to end up with the same fate as this girl.
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A
male
reader, calcol  +, writes (30 August 2008):
ok, so you love him?i understand how you feel. but you have to make a descision and it is one no-one else can make for you, which is more important, friends and family or him?When you have thought about it then you can answer the question, dont answer it right now!My main advice to you would be to right down whenever you have the chance what you feel like a diary, just write it down. do this for 2 weeks! then read it back and hopefully it will help you realise what means more! i did this with my ex and it made me see sense!calx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): You pretty much can't do anything to change him. He is who he is. You have to take the good with the bad. Nobody is perfect. And plenty of bad people have good qualities. It's the nature of relationships. You can't pick and choose which parts of him to keep and which parts of him to throw out. You either take him or leave him, all or nothing. If you stay with him long term, then you'll end up getting very attached to him whether it's a good idea or not. Emotions don't obey rational rules. If you feel like you're heading for this but you don't want to get caught up in that kind of mess, then you have to do the right thing NOW, early on. When you still can. If you don't split when you know it's necessary it only gets harder. There's no "way out" to be able to turn off your feelings for him if you keep letting them grow.
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