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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 20 years old and I work in retail. The job I've been in for over a year now, and the problem is I love my boss. However, he's 40 years old - twice my age - and has little idea about how I feel. I really don't know what to do! I don't know whether I should tell him or what. He flirts with me at work and I do too. I have no idea if he likes me that way but the whole department knows I like him. It's not just a crush as I thought I would get over it, but as time goes by and I get to know him more, I feel so much more for him. I know that he's not with anyone but I just don't know what to do as it affects me at work. I am constantly thinking about him. What would you advise? I mean I've thought about moving jobs but I've been off sick for 6 weeks due to an operation but it doesn't make no difference; I still think about him.
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reader, Juliette  +, writes (12 November 2005):
 I think Bev gives great answers but I think her personal experience is tainting this one. Generally, a similar age is probably a good idea, BUT so many marriages break up these days anyway, is it really worth missing out on what could be a happy relationship?
I cannot remember who wrote it, but in a famous choldren's novel it said you try people on to see if they fit, and I think this is true. I see many 'old' people in my work and most of them would relish the chance to competantly ride a skateboard given the chance!
Age is relative to state of mind, some are mature at 16 whilst others are immature idiots at 80. Take it gently, no rush, just see what happens, enjoy his company and most of all, if you enjoy your job and the people you work with, don't leave on the account of a event that has not even happened.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2005): Hi,
I have a completely different approach. Look at it this way you are both single. You only live onces dont fill your life with regrets thinking about what could have been. Everyone at your work knows about it anyway so keep your head up and go for it. If the answer isnt what your looking for then its his lose. Age shouldnt be an issue. Good Luck x
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 October 2005):
 Speaking as someone who has experience with age-difference relationships (I was 25, he was 41) I'd caution you that the gap is almost too great to bridge if you *were* to become involved. You're barely out of your teens, you don't have any life experiences to base yourself upon, you still have the youthful exuberance of wanting to stay up all night to thumping music, giggling and drinking and partying. Your boss (who is closer to my age) is, I can promise you, getting excited about retirement investment strategies and the health advantages of low-fat soymilk. His idea of a great night is going to be a DVD, home-delivered pizza and sex, followed by a good, solid 8-hours' sleep. There's just no overlap there on which you can base a serious relationship.
Sure, you can talk about your ideas together, and you can be sexually attracted, but over time you're going to become embarrassed by the fact that he's a couple of decades off being fashionable. He'll be out of step with you and your friends. He'll tend to look down on you as being ignorant and juvenile and possibly, needing 'correction' in the way you act. His taste in music and clothes, his political leanings, his sexual past... they're all going to be radically different from yours.
Again, speaking from experience, I would say that you need to keep this to yourself and let it blow over, as most workplace romances blow over. Think of all the guys you've had crushes on throughout your life. Think about the boy in Year 7 that you'd just *die* for. Still yearning for him?
Enjoy the flirting, but bear in mind that this guy is going to staring down age 50 about the time you're ready to settle down and have kids.
If you ignore my experience and advice, and you decide to give it a shot anyway, then do yourselves a favour and find a new job first. There are plenty of retail jobs to be had, and few things are more difficult to hide/overcome than a workplace romance with the boss... especially if it all goes wrong. There are the rumours, the innuendo, the sniping of co-workers... Now imagine you've broken up with your boyfriend, but you still have to take orders from him and talk to him for 8 hours every day, *and* that he controls your payslips. Argh! Nightmare.
Take the advice of this old 40-something and give it a miss.
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