A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Oh God.. I dont know where to start... I been working with this guy for about for years. He is my boss. He is pretty hot and he knows it. He is married too. Well... I never really considered the posibility that he may be attracted to me. Well... I dont know how... but a few days ago, we both had to go to this convention and in the night we went out together, we got drunk and we had sex. It was amazing. I dont regret it at all. He asked me to stay the night in his hotel room but as soon as he felt asleep, I left. I saw him the next morning and he was smily and looked at me like.. "I cant believe what we did" kinda face (smiling always) but he never said anything else to me. And I dont know what to do. I dont want this to be a one night stand but I dont want to get hurt. I saw him today and he seemed normal... like he always is with me. I told him that I wanted to talk to him and he said yes.. to call him whenever I want to meet. I have no clue what to say to him but this anxiety is consuming myself. What should I say? Do you think I am gonna get rejected? Did he sleep with me just because he was drunk or he liked me from a long time? Please! Help!!
View related questions:
drunk, my boss, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I think it is definitely time to grow yourself some self esteem as you seem to be welcoming a very dodgy situation. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes...although I do feel that alcohol is just an excuse sometimes. The secret is to learn from those mistakes and not make them again. You made a couple of huge mistakes - you slept with a married man who had made a commitment to his wife, you slept with a cheat, you slept with your boss. Your working relationship can never be the same again as that awkwardness will always be there and it is only a matter of time before the office gossips start running on overtime. He doesn't want you as his girlfriend; at best you are his bit on the side and at worst a one night stand. You are looking for more with him to dignify the situation, but honestly there is no dignity to be found in sleeping with your married boss. Imagine if he ditched his wife for you...how long before his eyes start wandering to the next office assistant? You could never trust this guy. You already hinted that he likes himself rather a lot...and you just massaged his ego a little more. I suspect you don't see this situation as being so bad because you have poor self esteem and you don't think you deserve any better...you do...find a single man who gives you more than a smile the morning after you slept with him.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Don't be a martyr. Dr. Pete is correct. This guy will start to cry on your shoulder, you'll feel like you can save his sorry life and before you know it you'll be in his bed a few times a week. You should have more respect for yourself. You deserve better.
Having said that, you're also being very selfish and acting out of line. You're showing no respect for his wife. (kids) Even if you don't know her, society is supposed to live by certain principles. In other words, even though you have no remorse (bad sign), you know what you did wasn't technically a good thing. If you had some remorse I'd say ...lesson learned. Since you only seem to care about yourself, from this point on I'll say you deserve whatever you get. Your eyes are open and you know the potential hurt you might cause. If you're OK with intentionally hurting people, nobody will shed a tear when you hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): Excellent advice so far. One other thing, you say you don't want to get hurt. His wife and their marriage has just been devastated by his infidelity. Her pain will be imeasurable if she finds out. This man just hurt his wife, imagine the pain he could cause you.........
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): You have been used. I'm sure you have feelings of guilt towards his wife too. Think about this clearly for a minute without the 'halo effect' of great sex. He's married. You work for him. Its the ultimate control isn't it? You can call him whenever you like?! Well... thats nice of him. I'd do the only thing you have left to keep your dignity (before he takes it from you again) which is - walk away from the 'relationship' if it is one. Take the stance that it was a one-off mistake and hold your head up high as if you don't care either way - ignore his knowing looks and his flirting. The actual coward is him. I guarantee you 100% he's done this before - you were not the first bit on the side and you won't be the last. I sound harsh but I speak from experience and have been in your situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Hi,
I am sorry to say, Dr Pete is more than likely right.
He is giving very good advice, and you should not be second to anyone.
Find a guy that you can be with, that is not going to cause you heartache. This guy certainly will.
Try to think of it as a mistake on your part, forget it happened and move on.
XX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): He probably slept with you because he was drunk and he knew he could get away with it. He knew his wife wouldn't find out, and he knew you would probably be an easy lay. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm just guessing what was going through his brain at the time.
You say you don't want this to be a one-night stand, would you prefer to be his mistress? I'm a bit confused why you would want to be second-best to his wife, surely don't you deserve more?
You have done the typical women thing whereby you've had sex and suddenly become emotionally involved in man, you've totally confused sex and emotion.
He will probably like you insofar that he wants to have sex with you, he'll probably tell you how bad is marriage is, and how is wife doesn't understand him. You are about to live such a cliche! Don't do it to yourself, find a man who is available, you'll save yourself so much pain and heart ache.
...............................
|
