A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:This is kind of a two-part question. The first part is what do I do about my parents not liking my boyfriend for a reason that isn't true, and the second is am I living in an abusive situation? My boyfriend and I are really close. We are best friends as well as partners, and we've worked through problems in our relationship instead of breaking up. We aren't off in space like a lot of teen couples are either. We aren't having sex, even though neither one of us is a virgin and we've been together over 5 months, in order to avoid the consequences and wait for the right time. We don't throw "I love you" around because we know that even though we feel very strongly for each other, love is more than just a word and we might not understand it's full meaning yet. We spend our time together having fun and getting close to each other and talking about things that matter. Heere's the problem. My parents don't like him. The reason being, he isn't going to college due to a reading disability, and they think that will make me not go to college to be with him. This is absolutely not the case, but they won't listen to me. They also don't like how close and involved the two of us are with each other because they think we're too young. I understand that I'm still a kid, and that I still have more growing to do, but I'm old enough to be treated like a human being in my opinion. There's another catch as well. my mom is bipolar, and therefore she is very difficult to reason with, as well as very sensitive and often volitile. My father is protective of her to the point of aggression and sometimes even violence if my brother or I upset her. Recently they had to take her off of some of her medication, so she's more irritable and unstable than she was. Needless to say, she doesn't take well to being reasoned with, and often will pick fights, using hurtful blows and cruel triggers to set me off when I try to talk to her. Then, if I retaliate, she gets unreasonably upset and tells my father, who then becomes enraged trying ot protect her from the world. I've honestly and truly tried to be sensitive and caring, as I have been with her all my life. Some days it doesn't make any difference because I come home and she's in a bad mood, looking for a fight and an excuse to have a melt down. Other days, if I act at all like a normal human, like having a bad day or wanting to talk about something, she's unreasonable and blows up. Either way, the wrath of my father rains down. Recently, her threats have included taking away my car because she thinks that would mess up our relationship, claiming he wouldn't find another way to see me (he would) and not helping me pay for college if I move in with him after freshman year. I've also had my guitar, something I cherish AND paid for, ripped from my hands by my father, then being grabbed from my chair and shoved to the floor as a punishment for not apologizing to my mother after she barraged me with hurtful phrases and I retaliated. I don't feel like this is ok. I don't understand why she has such a problem with my boyfriend or why she'd threaten to take away soemthing I need for life (college) or things I love (guitar, car), why she'd purposely try to hurt me as much as she can, or why she'd "sic" my father on me when she knows what he'll do. I don't understand how it's somehow ok for her to live in a caccoon at the expense of my brother and I being normal people, and I hate feeling that my dad would chuck me under a bus without a second's thought for my mom. I don't know what to do. I have the support of my boyfriend, thank God, but if I try to bring up how I dislike the way I'm being treated to my family, they make it seem like I'm overreacting and have no right to feel this way. Am I crazy? Am I overreacting? What do I do?
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female
reader, lovelyeyes +, writes (2 March 2011):
Omg! U poor thing. I realy feel bad for u. I don't think your parents r doing this to be mean. Your mom is on meds for being bi-polar so its still not upto her how she acts sometimes. Meds don't always work,and I think your dad acts this way towards u I'd because he's depressed and stressed out cause he's watching the women he loves go through this. I don't think he does this to u because he's being mean. Your whole family needs counciling mostly your dad. I think u should keep your man on the downlow for now because u could start getting closer to him for the wrong reason. When parents don't approve of the boyfriends it just pushes u to want to be w/him more and u won't see the bad in your boyfriend cause all u see is the bad in your parents. I think u need to try getting a job asap save your money. Become more independent then think about a seriuos relationship. That way u can concentrate on your relationship w/your man. Don't argue w/your parents right now try avoiding them. Just for now. They're both not thinking straight right now. I realy hope u don't fall in love for the wrong reasons. U need to depend on only on yourself so stay inschool if your working save everything u have and get out. I'm not saying stop talking to your family but u don't need to stay there. Goodluck!! I realy hope the best for u.
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