A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has an obsession with fat porn! We have been dating for 18 months and it makes me feel worthless. I am a curvy woman and i now question his original motives. I have talked to him about it openly and it hasn't done any good. I love him in every way but i can't seem to handle this constant fight. We only have sex every two weeks or so, but he is on the internet four or five times a week. I have come to the conclusion that he never wants to have sex because he is already satisfied. I told him that i either want to work on it, or not have sex any longer and he didnt seem to care either way. I love him peices but what can i do? Is our relationship over? We have talked about being long term but now...i don't know what to do!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): IMHO, he is perpetrating a romantic fraud on you by pretending to care about you for his own sick reasons while being in reality unable to have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone but himself.Don't let your heart rule your head. Dump him quick.
A
female
reader, Tanyas247 +, writes (2 February 2007):
 I am so sorry you are feeling neglected. The fact that he knows about your feelings and does not try to stop is unnerving. Most women enjoy attention and love, and reserve the title of 'friends' for other relationships. While you have sex once in a while, he does nothing for you and only you.
My ex was into porn, and it will blur his concepts of relationships and sex. He sounds obsessed, which is hard to break from. If he was the right one for you, he wouldn't be ignoring your frustrations. This happens to many women, and I feel that these men must face their addictions before they can truly love anyone else. The fact that he hides it shows shame. The fact is, he knows what he is doing and that it is not conducive to a good relationship, yet he continues because he is not ready to face the truth.
The bottom line - if you are not getting what you want, and he isn't trying that hard, find someone who will. Sex is important, but the bond between you is more important. He is hurting that bond by looking elsewhere for what you want to give to him. No excuses. He isn't pulling his end of the deal, and you are. Don't get cheated out of the life and love you really want. We should never settle for less.
Best of Luck
Tanya
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am determined to make our relationship work but i feel like he is indiffrent. in the whole of things, this is a small matter based on the trust and understanding we have.
however, after many attempts at finding a solution to this problem, i am exhausted. is this normal? its not like i'm very large and he is into tiny skinny chicks, he looks at women similiar to my body. this is so frustrating because he tries to hid that he does it. when we do have sex, it seems like lately it has been ridiculously short, only lasting for minutes. could it be from the porn?
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (29 January 2007):
 I agree with Shandy Pop. You're obviously not happy with the situation so sit him down and talk! Communication is a wonderful thing. Don't rush in and do anything rash as suggested by Aunty Lin (Sorry Aunty Lin, nothing personal) as you do love him and the break up will probably be hard. You need to be intimate with him and share your secrets and desires. Sometimes guys have fantasies that they are scared of discussing or doing things with someone they're in a relationship with as they feel "too much respect". Ask him what he wants. If you say you're curvy and he's masturbating to curvy chicks then why not ask him to masturbate in front of you! Maybe spice up things in the bedroom a little, be naughty, dress up in some sexy underwear, ask him to buy you some “toys” and get him all hot and bothered... you never know what might happen. If you're both serious about the relationship then you'll both take the time to work this through. If he loves you he will, if not then cross that bridge when you come to it! You need the sex so don't stay in a relationship without it! Keep me posted. Good luck and have fun ;) Take care.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Lin  +, writes (29 January 2007):
Well, clearly your boyfriend has issues, but that's not a big deal as quite a lot of people i know have issues, however when HIS issues are beginning to affect your view of yourself then they need to e dealt with.Clearly you have tried and he is not responsive, which could mean that he has already removed himself from your relationship. Give him an ultimatum, and don't just talk make sure you act upon your threat.Although ultimately the choice is your own, i would suggest u get out of that relationship ASAP...coz he clearly isn't feelin it and if ur havn sex once a fortnight...and he's wankin off (xcuse da language) four days in a week...u nd him rnt havn a relationship.CONCLUSION: BOOT HIM OUT SISTA!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): Right!! Get him to talk about what this is all about. Tell him you are not happy about it and feel at a loss as to why he is doing this. How old are you two? 18-21 and you only have sex every two weeks!! At that age you should be having it more often than that! I wouldn't be happy with that situation. If he doesn't change then i'm sorry to say but you need to move on to someone who deserves you for the person that you are.
Take care
xx
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