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female
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anonymous
writes:I have a problem with one of my boyfriend's close friends, let's call him Jake. This guy Jake spoke crap (really bad stuff, like calling me a whore, a slut and stuff) when my bf n I just started going out. He said all this behind my back and was a sweetheart to my face. My boyfriend got sick of it and told me the truth. Things eventually got better. This was more than a year ago. This guy Jake didn't like me, he thought my bf n I would never last long and things like that. We are, however, very serious about our relationship. Now sometimes, he talks about introducing my bf to other girls and stuff. Just a short while ago, he told my bf that this "chick" who lives in our building liked the snowman he made on our balcony. And he told my bf that he'll give him details about this girl later, and my bf was grinning away. When he said something similar (about helping my bf hook up if he goes with Jake to UK for a holiday) about a week ago, I asked him why he says it and he said, Oh, I'm just joking, please don't take it seriously. But he made another such remark today. He is not single, he has a gf too who lives in London, UK.Now, it's not like I don't trust my bf, but I don't want temptation to be dangled in front of him. Around a year ago, he'd been talking to this girl and lying to me about it coz he'd told her he didn't have a gf. We got through that and we're fine now, but I'm afraid he'll give in to temptation if Jake keeps at this. I've tried talking to my bf about this but he always says, You know him, this is how he is..he's just joking and things like that. If I say anything more, he starts getting annoyed. I need to know if it's alright for Jake to be talking to him like this. I, honestly, don't know what to do about it. I play it cool in front of them coz I've tried talking to both of them about it and don't want to seem uptight and like I can't take a joke (if that's what it is). What more can I do about this? Or what should I?? I'm sorry if this is too long, but thanks for reading it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much for helping me out. It's so nice to finally see someone understand what it's like. I suppose I should just put it down to them being 'guys'. He is a close friend of my boyfriend, so I don't create a fuss or anything, in fact I try to be nicer to him and help him out whenever he needs it so he'd stop out of respect for me if nothing else. But, yea, picturing them as rhinos might help me ignore his stupidity ;) lol..that was really funny. Thanks a ton. You are such sweet, helpful people..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Talk to your bloke and let him know that this is not what you want to hear. BUT, when blokes get together then can have the brain cells of a gnat!! They have to act all macho and stuff and make out they are so big and hard and into girls and stuff. The first time i went out with my bloke and his friends he was just the same. It was actually quite funny in a pathetic sort of way. Let them have their little boys times together and just laugh it off in your head. Picture them as something silly. A rhino with the poos or something! HaHa!!
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (16 February 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
If I were you, Jake would irk me as well. But, I don't think there's anything you can do to change him. This just seems to be his way of being a male friend. Talking about chicks and hooking up with them and offering to hook his friends up. If you really love and trust your boyfriend, that's great because I doubt Jake will stop. The more you react, the more he'll do it, that's my guess.
I'd just keep it cool and trust your boyfriend and laugh along at all Jake's crap (and in your head say, "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"). If this is one of your boyfriend's close friends, the best you can do is just try to accept him. Your boyfriend isn't going to want to wind up having to choose between his good friend and you.
I wish you the best of luck. Jake seems like a jerk. Take a deep breath and pity his poor, poor girlfriend.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, kath +, writes (16 February 2007):
 i think that if your bf is annoyed when you talk he needs to understand what your fealings are too! It also tells me that he and 'jake' are just being male (not sexist) playing it cool is great for them but not for you. talk to your partner through all the annoying stuff if your ment to be together then talking will only make your relationship stronger. good luck Kath xx
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