A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, i dont know if anyone can help me here but my bf has made a new male friend at his studies, my bf and i live together and sometime my bf will invite his new friend over to stay the nite, the problem is his friend just wont talk to me and i dont know what im doing wrong, iv tried making conversation with him but he hardly says anything at all, sometimes i catch him staring at me and i feel like his eyes are glued to me, and when i ask him a question i only get a one word answer, he does not comment on my cooking or if he is comfortable. he does not say thank you or please when i cook them both dinner, its driving me insane because he stays out our house atleast once a week, he is very talkative to others when i am not around or if im not in the same room i know this because i listend in once on a conversation but as soon as i walk in the room he does not say a single word.To make things even worse he told my bf that he thinks i dont like him because i dont talk to him enough and thats why he does not talk to me much, and that is a lie and then my bf had a go at me about not being social enough, which is odd becase all his other friends talk to me just fine, this has been going on for 6 mnths now and i dreed having to visit his friend or when he comes to our house because i make so much effort to talk with him yet i get no where and then he tells my bf that i dont talk to him and then my bf thinkgs im being a snob which causes arguments, i just dont know what to do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (1 June 2006):
 All I can suggest is to calmly talk to your bf again and point out that surely he can see & hear for himself the effort that your putting in? Then perhaps talk to the 'friend' and be straight. If you're honest, upfront and not afraid to speak it may put him on the back foot. If he knows his 'game' isn't working (if that's what it is), he may stop it. Just ask him why he thinks you don't like him when you feel it's the opposite? Perhaps tell your bf that his friend is welcome in your home as long as he respects that it IS your home too. I feel you're lacking support from your bf but try not to let it get you down. If it doesn't improve, perhaps it's time they cooked their own dinner when he's round or you have a friend over too, or have your own space away from 'them'. It sounds like it's getting you down, but don't rise to the arguments. You know the truth and if your bf doesn't, is it worth asking if he's the right man for you? Or just bite your tongue. If the friend is still being so rude, I wouldn't waste any more energy in trying to make an effort. It doesn't sounds like it's worth it!
A
female
reader, Aunt Jess +, writes (1 June 2006):
 to be quite honest theres nothing else u can do by the sounds of it!! i think this "friend" is being very difficult and im suprised ur boyf hasnt got upset with all this as well. surely he wants u to both get on well ?? i suggest telling ur boyf that youve got nothin to be blamed for. and if u have the guts, tell this "friend" that hes making everything reali awkward and ask him if he has a problem with u and the two of u shud be able to sort it out. i think a reason for his behaviour is jealousy; hes scared that he might lose ur boyf as a mate. he possibly sees u as a threat. has ur boyf had previous relationships? if so, ask ur boyf how well he got on with them- it cud be sumthin youve done to upset him. good luck, let me know how things go x
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