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anonymous
writes: Advice please, need opinion: My b/f & I watch porn. He says he's not interested in the women. He wants me to see other men, then asks my opinion on them bodywise(?). He buys magazines with men in them. He looks at them even when I'm not there, although we both look together. Is this normal? We share our fantasies but his is always about me & other guys. He wouldn't want another female (?) This is all talk between us but I am starting to wonder. Can anyone advise?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2005): I agree with NordicBeauty's answer to you. Porn is very damaging to a relationship. Not only does it become addictive..it creates sexual problems in an otherwise caring, loving and trusting relationship. It gives a distorted view of women and takes away, the deep sense of union and joyful intimacy, that sex brings to a trusting, respectful relationship. So many horrible things can happen when people indulge in pornography. * Secretive and addictive behaviour * Relationship problems, including loss of trust and respect, and sometimes one partner being forced into acts they are not happy with * Loss of attention towards loved ones - partners, spouse and children, etc * "Cybersex" activities, including on and offline meetings with others * Guilt and feelings of low self-esteem Just be be aware of the problems that could crop up. Two things are happening here. Your boyfriend is insecure...he sounds like he is comparing himself to the men in the pornography videos/mags. Or he may be bi-sexual. You guys need to have a big talk and you should both both focus on each other and the love you share, without porn in your life. I think the key is: respect and unconditional acceptance of each other...get turned on to each other without porn. I'm sure most will agree when I say "lovemaking is a scared, special, private moment between 2 people who are bonding in the most intimate way"And this fantasy about you and other men? Not sure what to make of that. But I do think, it's disrespectful to the relationship you both share. Let's hope it stays just a fantasy. If a man loves you with the passion and caring like he should...porn or these fantasys should not be there to stimulate your sex life. In other words, he should be turned on to you & you only, not some other guys having there way with you. That to me, is not respect for you and a mature, genuine love. He sounds selfish..you deserve better.
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reader, audrey +, writes (20 June 2005):
think anon has got it right as always tell him he is the 1 for me maybe he is very insecure but he is very confident lover and always pleases me
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reader, pops +, writes (20 June 2005):
Is it possible that you boyfriend is still trying to work out his own sexual identify? Is he Bi-sexual? Does he really know? This sounds way to much work for you to handle at this time. Walk away. Tell him to come back to you when he knows its only girls that turn him on, and one girl in particular- ME!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2005): To me it sounds like your boyfriend is a little insecure. He probably wants you to look at the other men so that you can say that they aren't any where near as gorgeous as him.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Speaking from experience, I believe too much porn will damage a healthy sex relationship.On the RARE OCCASION, it's fun & kinky to watch porn together & share each other's fantasies, but if it becomes an Obsession or an Addiction..it's time to pull back the reins and strive for more balance.If he pressures you to fulfill his fantasy of you & other guys having sex together, & it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you need to be confident & speak up.If you desire monogomany, be really clear about it.If he loves & respects you, then he'll back off.Also, he states he is not interested in other women, and wants only YOU, so he might be feeling insecure about his male image & just needs assurance that he is all you need.Overall, if you are both happy with one another, you rarely need porn for passion...Love should Suffice !
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