A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's best friend has recently started dating this girl who is a well known village mattress and trust me I'm sugar coating it.At first I had no problem with her however over the past 3 weeks she's insisted on spending visiting my boyfriend over the weekend. They end up staying at his place the entire weekend and end up partying and drinking. Again I have no problem with him spending time with his friends although as a result I no longer see him on weekends.He works during the week so that's out of the question. When I did pop in to visit him I found her wearing his sweat pants and when I asked him about it he said she got cold and was wearing a dress so he lent her a pair. She acts like she owns the place and we've only been interacting with her for about a month. Am I being unnecessarily territorial and suspicious of her or should I be concerned? How do I tell my boyfriend I feel uncomfortable with her being over so much especially when I'm not included.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2015): I think you should walk away from this relationship. You should concentrate on your studies rather than have this distraction. If another man comes into your life in the future who doesn't complicate it and makes you happy by all means go for it, rather than your current bf who is to immature to realise that having another women lounge in his clothing isn't going to upset you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 1. "Am I being unnecessarily territorial and suspicious of her or should I be concerned?"
2. "How do I tell my boyfriend I feel uncomfortable with her being over so much especially when I'm not included."
1. You are NOT being unnecessarily territorial..... and you SHOULD be suspicious of this tart's behaviour.... PLUS, your "B/F"'s behaviour. REAL boyfriends don't do this.....
2. You sit your B/F down and say: "Hunchy-bunchy, I really don't like it that that floozie is hanging around with you.... AND, it's leading me to not trust YOU as much as I should. So... .how's about YOU tell her to take a hike???.. and don't have her around very much, any more.... NEVER is even better..."
He's not showing YOU much respect and/or concern.... so YOU need to keep your a$$ out of trouble....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (19 June 2015):
 I think this girl is not going to stop with just her current boyfriend.
I think she is setting things up to become closer to your guy as well.
She sounds very confident and knowing and guys can be drawn in by that and then turn around and blame her for the fact that they also had relations with her.
If she is as you describe then she would be indiscriminate in how she offered herself to whoever was available.
Some girls actually like to breakup a guy's existing relationship and take over, though not for long.
Such girls seem to derive a perverse pleasure in splitting up couples. I wonder if it makes them feel more powerful in that they use guys sexually and then discard them.
They leave a trail of destruction.
When I read the question I gained an immediate impression that this girl was being very over familiar with your boyfriend and that he was not being open with you about the clothing incident.
You describe a type of girl that I have known and who's cheating with (already in a relationship) guys did horrify me.
At one point I recall that her brazen approach towards my first husband so bothered me that I sat him down and asked him if he had noticed what I had seen and which concerned us and our relationship (which had not begun to be sexual at that point)
He was a darling about it. He laughed and assured me that she had tried every which way and that she had no traction with him.
That he was a wakeup to her tactics from the beginning. He had noticed her first approach 3 months before me. He assured me that his commitment was entirely to me and that her efforts merely amused him.
While all the time to her he chose to make out he did not notice.
And just like you that girl had boasted to me how many couples she had broken up.
And how do I know this to be true?
Because that girl was my younger sister. She had had 3 abortions before she was 25 and she thought she was a success when boys fought over.
I was appalled by it all.
She regarded me as a failure as I was not promiscuous like her.
I stopped wanting to hear about her tally of "boyfriends"
when she said she had reached 150 though I was only aware of about 50 of them - all of them guys I found to be very shallow. They were not "boyfriends" they were always so short term they could only be called dalliances.
My very liberal mother allowed her to go on the pill when she was 14.
When she was 14 I was 19 and I questioned my mother why she would allow it and my mothers excuse was that she needed it as my sister was so "attractive" - and told to me with a smile as if that was good that my sister attracted boys so easily. It was wrong.
Whereas I dated my future husband for 2 years and I was never unfaithful.
For that my mother and sister both called me a loser.
Others may not like your description of the girl. But I know that such girls do exist.
Invite your boyfriend to spend time with you and not at his place.
Break the chain that draws her to him.
If you get some time off then visit him when he may not expect you. Mix it up a little and give him some attention. You will detect if he is squirming with guilt or not.
And sit him down, just as I sat my future husband down.
If a guy will cheat so easily as to give in to the easiest girl in town then he is not worth the trouble.
But if he is aware of how she is trying to position him and becoming overly familiar with him then ask him how he is going to handle the situation. And if you are his number one, not his forgotten one when the other girl is around.
Work closely with him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm studying at the moment for grad school so I can't always join them
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe drunkenly told me how many guys she slept with and openly speaks about how experienced she is with guys... Its not gossip plus she's has a kid from a one night stand. Need I say much?
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 Look, I wouldn't be suspicious of this girl, I would be irritated.
I dont think she's trying to "get" your B/f...what she IS trying to do is to get too familiar, and that is what would really irritate me.
Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that this behavior is inappropriate. That its OK to have friends over but not at the cost of his time with you and certainly not at the cost of some random girl trying to get overfriendly. She's wearing his sweatpants, I'd be very concerned about the hygiene issue, to be honest! Tell him that under no circumstances should he encourage this behavior because not only is it uncalled for, it also sends out the wrong signals.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2015): I don't now why anyone should trust you when you call some girl a vilage mattress. How do you know? Boys talked? Wheni was 19 I was dating 2 guys within 1 year. Both were short terms, 3 months and 5 months. Guys knew each other, but I didnt know thatin a beginning. They talked and suddenly I became how you all it a village mattress but only in gossips. Guys would approach me with offers to have sex, called me and always got a no answer. Calls continued until I moved out of that neighborhood. And you now who's spread these gossips? Girls!I never trust these gossips anymore, and everytime someone accuses a girl being a slut, I have my suspicions of that person. Now going back to your question. Why your boyfriend doesn't include you in a weekend. This is just weird. So, they party but what about you? How come you can't party with them. I don't think it's her that needs to be blamed, but your boyfriend. And it's not her that settled down in your boyfriends house, it's her boyfriend. she just drags along, because that's what couples do, they go places together. The fact that she wore your boyfriends pajamas doesn't mean they had sex, it means she borrowed his pajamas because she was cold. And please don't think that this girl is sleeping with every man she sees, including your boyfriend. Her reputation might be just another gossip and nothing else.
...............................
|
