A
female
age
41-50,
*eedhelp2015
writes:Hi. I am a lesbian and have never had close female friends. My close friends are boys. There is a woman I work with and I can't figure out if she likes me a close friend or if she likes me more than that. Never having had any close female friends, I'm finding it hard to understand and need help! I'm going to try and keep this concise. Before she has said to me that if she wasn't married she would go for me as she thought I was sexy and pretty. I thought she was just being nice. This was some time ago. She also said one time that she didn't know if she was straight or gay and thought it was all about the person you fall for. She would bring up gay subjects when we chatted but I thought that she was being nice to me in that no one else ever ventured into that aspect of my life. A bit ago I said I was leaving. I don't think she took it seriously until a couple of weeks ago when I said I had applied for a new job. She acted cold towards me and just about ignored me. A group of us went out and we were talking about not keeping in contact with people we used to know. She said she pushes people away if she knows that they won't be in her life no more because she likes people more than friends sometimes and that hurts. I wondered if that had anything to do with it. I'll also add she asked one of the women who said she had gone to an all girls school whether she had slept with any girls there. While we were there she did act friendly again a couple of times, once trying to stop me paying by grabbing my arms and holding them there and again resting her was on my shoulder when she was laughing too hard. Fast forward this week. She asks how I am and I said really good. For some reason she asks does this mean I am not leaving. I say actually I'm not leaving. She was really happy and talking to me all over again. She later asks me out for lunch. On our way she straight away brings up when she asked the other girl about having sex with girls and said she was joking. I was like um ok.... But all the closeness was back, like nearly tripping over each other cos we were walking so close, when we were stood ordering her body was up against mine. When she was talking she was bringing up how this other girl at our work really fancied her and how this girl always wanted to take her to gay places. She was saying that she isn't gay but if she was then she wouldn't go for this other girl. I realise now I should have asked who she would go for (we always think after the event!!). In the car we were talking and she called me her sweetheart. As I go to leave the office she straight away looks up and does this double high five thing and is really excited to chat again. So I'm wondering if she likes me more than a friend or if she just feels really comfortable with me?
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 This woman is married so whatever flirtation, feelings or romantic implications she may or may not have made means nothing. Even if she likes you "more than a friend" you don't want to be in between two people who have already exchanged marriage commitment. I'd suggest you drop this even though it maybe hard to fight the infatuation.
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (19 June 2015):
This woman is married so it doesn't really matter if she fancies you or not - she's out of bounds. And since you work with her she's even more out of bounds.To be honest, from what you write, it sounds like she has a highly histrionic personality. Google the term "histrionic personality disorder" to find out more about this. I'm not saying she has the full blown disorder - just some of the traits. I have a sister who is like this and she a merciless flirt - especially with gay men and lesbians (she is straight). And her overt flirting frequently dominates any social gathering - it's a bit attention seeking really.Either that or she is bi-curious and is hoping to use you to fulfill some of her fantasises. Who knows - but I would take the way she behaves with you with a generous pinch of salt.
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