A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello everyone. Thanks to whoever reads this and can give me some advice. Well ive just started University and have been in the City for about 2 months. My boyfriend recently moved down also and has his own house share. Well he wants us to move in together next year but also my flat mates are looking for a house share for all of us rigth this minute because houses are going fast and we want a 6-8 bedroom one and there not often up on agencies. They have found a house and want me to go see it with them. I am loving the freedom and the chance to mingle with different people and experience things i wouldnt have at home. But im really confussed and kind of guilty about not being ready to move in with him. Im 18 and been with him since I was 15, and going to Uni has given me my independence (which i love) and im not ready to give that all up in just a year. My boyfriend is really sad about this and now i think it may effect us as a couple.What do you think I should do or say?Thanksss
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 December 2009):
 I think you need to be honest with him and let him know that your feelings for him haven't changed but you love sharing with other girls right now and loving that whole experience.
If he is sharing with guys maybe HE is the one that is missing the pampering that some of us get at home and he thinks that by moving in together it would be like that again.
I think personally it would be a mistake right now as you are only now finding your feet and to be perfectly honest it is probably cheaper for you both to share in the way you are right now.
If just the two of you share you are not going to find anywhere that is half decent and you will probably end up paying the earth for something that is a postage stamp.
Also ALL of the bills will have to split between the two of you together with ALL of the food bills and also who would end up doing all the washing, ironing and general housework, it is either the two of you or YOU on your own and that just isn't right.
With a house full of girls you will pitch in together but make sure you have some house rules i.e. a rota for chores so that it doesn't fall to one person, however, you probably already have a system in place by the sounds of things.
Personally I think he feels that you are probably moving forward and away from him as you get to spend a lot of time with other girls and maybe he fears that you may be more interested in other guys rather than staying with you.
He made the choice to move down to London at the end of the day, now was that for YOU or for University opportunities for himself. If it was for the latter, then you shouldn't feel guilty about it and even if it was for YOU, he made the choice to move down, you didn't force his arm did you?
You are growing up and maybe that is what he fears the most as your head could be turned by some London guy at Uni and not him from back home.
Be true to yourself as it is you who need to cut a life for yourself and not for HIM. Who knows if you will be together in another year or two for that matter so I think you are doing the right thing for you and if he can't see that then maybe he isn't the right guy for you.
BFN
Country Woman
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