A
female
age
36-40,
*elpless09
writes:Big Problem. Okay, my boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 years... known him for 6. We use to have major problems off and on. Loved him to death and really knew i wanted him. We lived far apart for the first 3 years of knowing each other. We'd visit one another but my boyfriend is bipolar and has problems coping with things and seperation so he started treating me badly. So during those years of living apart we started having our on and off time... I dated others and he flirted with others that lived near us but we'd get back together cause no one could compare. It was my senior year... my plan simple.. spend that summer or move with my boyfriend once i graduated.Well at the beginning of the year there was this guy. (it was love at first site, i'd say) I'd pretend he'd annoy me and I couldn't stand him.. then i found out we had health class together. We talked, we became good friends. He was there for me with my problems as I was for him. we became best friends. he was the only person i really talked to. I started liking him, and he started liking me. I didn't know what it was about him but I wanted him... almost more then anything. He really made me forget about everything wrong in my life and the guy that keep hurting me so badly (now boyfriend). He was always what I wanted and he was so sweet. We had a lot in common and we could talk and talk forever. I loved him. I found out he loved me. He keep joking in class how he was going to kiss me. One day after a basketball game he did... he kissed me and it was the best kissed i'd ever had! I wanted it to never end. He meant a lot to me and oddly enough he still does. But, foolishly I ended everything we just started. He told me not to go, he told me he loved me and always will. I told him i loved him to but he was young and i couldn't keep this up. So I moved in with my boyfriend now and we're happy. I love him more then life. He means a great deal to me. We even now have a child together. Things are nice...but lately (past 5 or 6 months) I've been really thinking of the guy I let slip away. I don't know why. I can't describe it. He's been in my mind so much lately. I hate it! It's driving me insane. It's hard to think straight. That was almost three years ago and I cannot let it go. Just a month ago i found out he has a daughter... I don't know why but I'm jealous! I hate this feeling. I love my life but I cannot stop thinking what could of been... it's breaking my heart to feel this way. Right now i feel like i could cry. I mean, i have a nice life, beautiful daughter. why do i continue to want more? Why do I still want him in my life? Why do I still want him period. When I see photos of him my heart melts, when i think of his voice my heart skips a beat.I know this is wrong... I shouldn't feel this, but I do. He, besides my noww boyfriend , was my true love. I don't know what to say. I just want this feeling to stop...HELP! =(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (18 December 2009):
 Unfortunately you're in a no win situation - if you had chosen the other guy, you'd have been feeling the what if's with the guy you are with now - we all want what we don't have but it is worse when it is something we could have had.
I've been through it before, torn between 2 people, offered a LOT from both and I chose. I loved the guy I was with but always wondered what if with the guy i left behind. Because he wasn't what I had, I'd imagine what could have been and any little thing that went wrong with what i did have, i'd kick myself for not choosing the other guy!!
It is torturing yourself. You need to realize that if the other guy was meant to be, you'd have chosen him and you didn't. Enjoy what you have and live in the now - the more you carry on, the less you'll think of the one that got away but occasionally you'll think about him and hopefully remember him fondly and then move on.
I hope it works out for you.
xxx
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