A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I can’t discuss this with my family, girlfriends or husband. Maybe someone out there can help to enlighten me. I am a happily married woman with kids. I’ve been married almost twenty years, to a wonderful man, that I love very much. He is a caring and loving husband and father. I believe in being faithful and living my life, so as to be an example to my children. There is a much younger guy at work that has a crush on me. I also have a big crush on him. He’s very handsome (which I’m sure he doesn’t think so), he has this sexy low voice that melts me when I hear it. One of his most attractive qualities is his quiet intelligence. He’s extremely smart, never boastful or a showoff, like some quasi-smart people can be. He’s wise beyond his years. It sometimes feels like I’ve known him before, maybe in another life-time. Maybe we were lovers in another time. I’ve never met anyone like him before and I’ve never felt like this before either. He can be so warm, thoughtful, and sweet, a total “gentle” man. He’s also into sports and has a great body. He treats everyone including me, with consideration and kindness. What I’ve observed, he’s a great friend to his friends and he’s the ultimate “guys’ guy”! Everyone that comes in contact with him thinks the world of him. He has this charismatic quality about him that captivates.We’ve never talked about our feelings. We’ve only had these “moments”, when we come eye to eye. I can see in his dreamy, brown eyes, that his pupils are HUGE! I’m sure mine are too. I’ve caught him staring at me, and when I look at him; his gaze is so intense I have to look away. He’s also caught me staring at him. I could never approach him to talk about this; I would be much too shy and embarrassed. What if I’m totally wrong? How could this gorgeous young guy have a crush on a middle-aged mom? I’m sure that he would never say anything to me either. He’s too much of a gentleman to do so. This is my problem; I just can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I look forward to seeing him every day. On weekends and holidays, I can’t wait to get back to work so I can see him. The sight of him makes my heart skip a beat or two. At home, I’m always thinking or fantasizing about him. We have to deal with one another and are in contact every day at work, so I cannot, not have anything to do with him. Whenever he’s around me, I turn to mush. I stutter and stammer, trip over myself, I can’t seem to act like the mature, skilled and capable person that I usually am! I feel like a schoolgirl. I try not to let it show, and god forbid that anyone at work has noticed! I don’t think they have. At home, I guess my husband and I have been having better sex than before. I feel I have a little more spring to my step and I sometimes feel that maybe, I’m still cute for my age. So he’s definitely been a great moral booster for me. But at the same time, I feel sorry for myself; because I know I can’t have him. I’ve even thought, “if only I weren’t married”. Maybe we aren’t meant to be together in this life-time, maybe we’ll be lover again in another. Am I crazy? Is it possible to love my husband and to be in love with another? Is it possible to have a lustful but not consummated relationship in our mind?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): im in the same situation, i know how hard it is to go from work where there is this exciting, wonderful, dramatic attraction to your home, where it feels dreary and routine. But, the beginning with your husband was just as exciting as this co-worker.
but then again, maybe it wasn't. You aren't wrong for feeling this way, you aren't a sinner or what have you, its normal and natural. attraction happens, its just making sure you are facing the problem not reacting to it thats important.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): First of all, Do not be fooled by the guy at work. He is playing the role of a suave and sleek guy but his job is to see how many married women he can hook up with and brag to his buddies on the weekend. If you want to mess up your whole family cause you want to play grab ass with another man do your thing, but that guy will take off after he is done with you and he will see how you left your husband and kids to be with him, he will not want you either, he will see you as a "No good wife who cheated on her husband and kids. No single man wants a married cheating women after he had his way with her. Respect your vows you made. Do you want your kids to resent you in the future over a one night stand. Do you want to catch a major disease and give it to your husband? Think about what you are doing. Are you a hooker or a housewife?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Unfortunatley, I don't have any answers for you, but I do know how you feel. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 2 year anniversay and I think I am in love with someone else. He is a guy i occasionally work with. I have not had any pysical relations with him, and I won't. But lately I have been feeling that I want to let him know exactly how I feel and see how he reacts. I figure if he is not interested in me then this would be easy, I'd be humiliated into forgetting about him. On the other hand if he feels the same way - this could get dangerous for my marriage (if it isnt already) My husband and I do have our problems, but I know he loves me and would do antthing to keep our marriage together, which makes it even harder.I have been reading other peoples stories and they all say don't put yourself in a situation to have feelings for someone else, but what if he would make me happiest?
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A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I've seen this VERY situation before with a good friend of mine who is 46 years old. His wife around the same age fell deeply in love with a guy around 30.It didn't happen over night, it took time. The thing was, they had a family of 4 children, and been married 25 years.
Well, the wife is now alone, and the husband has a very loving girlfriend, and the wife is very unhappy, because the reality is, a 30 year old man, though he may consider an older women sexually, would never, in most cases, consider her as a possible life partner- for the main reason that he himself would want to have children and get married, and shes already been there and done that.
The truth was, the wife never TRULY was IN-love with her husband. She loved him, but had never had that passion. He as a result was very unnhappy himself and in a way it was a blessing that he met his current love, that truly is in-love with him.
I believe that either youre at a point in your life called mid-age, which is supposed to create a lot of issues in ones life, or something is missing from your marriage that you really need, and perhaps were not aware of until
this situation at work. But I have to tell you that it is truly in your best
interest to keep your family together, and stop this work fantasy, because in the end, you will most likely lose everything: your family, your husband, and
even this guy at work, that your interested in.
The allure is the excitement, his youth, this feeling of passion, which perhaps you have not experienced in a while. You have to get this same passion with your husband, create the same excitment. Look at this as a test of sorts. But you have to be strong and realistic.
While I'm sure you don't care for my answer. You have to know, its true.
I wish you the best of luck. Ultimately, love, passion, romance, it is us that
create this feelings in our own hearts and minds. they come from within- hence try to create these feelings at home with your husband.
If however you feel that you love your husband yet are not happy in the relationship and feel that you can no longer stand to be in it. then call it quits and leave your family- perhaps that is your karmic destiny- but think VERY carefully about the results of your actions.
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A
female
reader, hello1  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 This is so werid, my mum was in a situation like this! he was a goodlooking guy and was always looking at her. It seriously messed up her head, like your guy he was half her age. Honestly I found it so pathetic, luckily this guy moved to another firm. I think these guys are creep and play games with older women.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 You are going through a mid life crisis.Don't fall into the temptations for the fruits are bitter.Look inwards at your own marriage and rediscover your man from another perspective.You can indulge in some fantasies but you should go back to the highway of life .Concentrate on your family affairs and soon you will see him in a different light.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hi there,
You admitted that your sex life with your husband has improved since you have been fantasing about this guy.
This is a good thing and your husband is reaping the benefits. Now if you could only leave it at that everything would be just fine.
Now for the reality of the situation, there are guys out there who go for more mature women. I witnessed a young guy coming onto my middle aged sister so it does happen.
What you need to do is ask yourself what you really think is going to happen? Apart from your world being torn apart that is, divorce, children who will despise you for tearing their family home apart etc. You might get some hot sex out of it, but do you seriously believe that this guy is Mr Perfect like you make him out to be? If he was he would have a hundrend girls chasing after him and more than likely be with the pick of them. My guess is you are either misreading his behaviour or he is buttering you up for a quicky affair followed by an even more quicky split. But most likely you have put this guy on such a high pedestal he is the ultimate stud to you . You need to face the facts you are a middle aged woman with children, what's in it for him after the sex?
If you think the divorce, the contempt of your community, the destruction to your childrens family life, the humiliation of being labelled an adulteress, the loss of friends and the loss of your home are worth it - then go for it. Otherwise I would keep these salicious thoughts in my head and use them in the bedroom with your husband.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I believe it is possible to love your husband and be in love with another man. Because I think the love you have for this other man is more of a crush, an infactuation, and a huge ego boost. It's always nice when someone else finds us attractive. But I can also tell you, this type of thing can become a cancer to your marriage and your home life. If you don't keep your feel planted in reality, and do things with your husband that help you stay connected to him, you will begin to find fault with your husband, and pretty soon you'll convince yourself that it's time to leave. I can also predict that your wonderful new man won't be nearly as wonderful in reality. Trust me they all have faults. He may seem sweet and caring on the surface but you spend some quality, intimate time with him in a relationship and you may just discover he has a nasty temper, or a jealous side and you'll end up wishing you would've never left your spouse. If you were happily married before you met this new guy, then fight to keep yourself there and don't be lured away into the temptation of something else. Not many people can stay together as long as you have been with your husband. Don't wreck it now. Enjoy the flirtation, but don't let it go any further and try to keep your head and your heart out of the clouds. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): It's possible to see two people at once in a romantic way. Chances are it's just a phase. Enjoy it while it lasts. Don't mistake it for something it's not.
If you find yourself drifting away from your family and more toward him, try working harder at your marriage. You seem to like the way he makes you feel; you want to fall in love again. Try re-finding love with your husband before you wreck your home for a fling.
Just be flattered by the co-worker's attention. Tension and flirting are harmless if you mean them in a harmless, off-hand way. Do you honestly see a relationship with this new man lasting for a lifetime? You don't look at him the way you look at your husband, I bet. Your husband should be your best friend. You love him. If you don't, then talk with him about taking a vacation and/or improving your relationship. A vacation without the presence of the co-worker sounds like it could be very beneficial to you and your marriage right now.
Use caution and good judgment.
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