A
female
age
41-50,
*eth_hello
writes:Hello there!!i need an advice regarding this problem of mine....You see i'm already 30 years old, just now i experienced my first boyfriend.Through online networking sites.We been communicating through phones, emails and been chatting for almost nine months.We developed some kind of serious understanding.By the way I'm a devoted christian and on the course of our relationship, i found out that he is Muslim..it is really difficult to accept co'z my father is a Protestant Minister. But still i ignored this hard reality, because i love him so. Now last June we were able to meet, i've noticed on his part that he's changed.Because he realized i'm not really that perfect lady especially beautiful one that he created in his mind. Still we continued our relationship, his living far from me and his contract abroad has ended so basically his unemployed right now. Me i also dont have a work because i'm waiting for an appointment from a certain gov't agencies. We find it hard to communicate because that requires money. We had a serious discussion regarding our different religion, before he told me his ready to convert in my belief, but lately he told he can't. Aside from that his having trouble accepting that his unemployed and also he told me that his having family problems. His now living anywhere his friends and relatives..he stop applying for a job...he ignores me doesn't answers my calls and text messages. he told me he needed space. but i'm in some kind of quandary because he told me everything is just fine..that he will just contact me if wants to, probably twice a week..How can our relationship works if this goes on. You see his my first love, he promise me that he will marry me...But now everything seems to be changing...and I'm afraid that we are on the brink of break-up. I love Him very much..I find it so hard to move on, escpecially i isolated myself from friends eversince my mother died last year. i developed some kind of insecurities that i was already left behind by my friends since they are already very successful, while me i'am currently unemployed. You see my BF has been my source of strenght thru all of these...But now he is also slipping away. Now i'm really desperate. I dont know what to do anymore...i'm even considering hurting myself...Please i need you advice.....thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2010):
 I know that you need your long distance bf as a sort of security blanket to comfort you of what is not working in your life, but ultimately this so called relationship will contribute to worsen your situation ,if you are not able to let go.
LDR relationships work out very seldom, and yours , I think, had started out on frail bases anyway. First because he had unrealistic romantic expectations about you that were disappointed when you met, and second, religion is an issue. Very very seldom I have heard of Muslims marrying out of their religion, and when they do is only with consent and approval of all their family, but you don't mention having met his family or him having talked to them about his marrying plans. I think it was just a fantasy, there was never any serious plan for a real committment. He said that he would convert but.... people say a lot of things, don't they, when they want to impress you or convince you about something.
Remember that the most important person in your life are YOU, and concentrate only on yourself now. On rebuilding those friendship that you have overlooked, and who cares if they are more successful, real friends do not make this kind of competitions " I have more than you have ". And concentrating on improving all the skills and qualities that can lead you too to get a good job and a good career.
If you put more time and effort in this "fantasy " relationship you'll only end up feeling used and hurt.
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