A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 3 years now. I was in the process of building a house when we got together and have been in it for 1.5 years. My bf still lives at home with his mom and dad. (we are both 28). Lately he has been talking about the idea of buying a place closer to the city and where i live is too far from his work (would add on about 20-30 mins each way). He is getting upset that i am sort of somewhat refusing to sell my house. I am not against the idea of moving to the areas he suggests. He doesn't really like the area where i am. My main concern is that, all the money, time and effort I and my family have helped put in to this place, will not be recovered. I dont want to sell for a loss! The house is my first but also to be a stepping stone to help get a better place etc. The area he is wanting to move to - the houses would be 3 times the price. I think it would be a bad idea to sell my house just because he wants me to. What if we dont last? There is no marriage on the cards. I love him, but i think it is a risk as well. I've put a lot of my savings into this house. And, we haven't even lived together - just him visiting and staying which isn't the same. Any opinions or advice is welcomed.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): Dont sell your house.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 OP, you have posted your question, then you have answered it yourself and motivated it clearly and abundantly- what do you need us for :) ?
The answer is No, obviously, don't sell your house just to please some guy that for the time being has the vague and mutable status of boyfriend. Which could also change to the status of ex boyfriend in future, leaving you with a financial loss, and all the hassle of selling and splitting the provents of a new house that you'd be co-owning - and that you did not need or want to begin with.
Sell it only when and IF you want , to make yourself happy, not anybody else. It's YOUR house and it costed you and your family money, effort and sacrifices, - and you should sell it at a loss just because he wants to stay in a fancier area which would be closer to HIS work ?...
Then let HIM buy a nice house there , that costs 3 times as much as yours, - then he can invite you to live there as his guest :)
What, that's not financially possible, or desirable from his point of view ? Same as selling your house now is not financially possible or desirable from yours.
Don't just " sort of somewhat " refuse to sell your house ; refuse , period.
If he gets upset, ..he'll get over it. And if he does not get over it, then he cares way more about getting himself a house, than about you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 I'm assuming that he doesn't have the money to buy a house of his own, so he needs the equity in your home to get what he wants, right? Which in turn rules out you renting out your place and buying where he wants to be.
OK, the relationship you're in is one where you're not yet sure there's a long-term future. You've never lived together. Those two things strongly suggest that you shouldn't be making big sacrifices for this guy. Buying a house together is a huge commitment, and one with very long-lasting consequences.
There are circumstances under which I would suggest that you accommodate him -- if you were engaged, if you were sure that you were meant for each other, etc. None of that is the case here. The house means a lot to you -- you have an emotional and financial investment. Not to mention the real estate market is still awful in much of the U.S. So no, I would not advise you to do as he asks.
What you could do, perhaps, is find a place to rent together, and rent out your house. That will give you a better idea of what the future holds for this relationship.
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