A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am pretty confused about 'who' my bf is. What I mean is, on one hand he comes from a strict religous family who have very high morals and values. His family are so nice, caring and loving. The men in his family treat women so well and I guess you could say they are old fashion in some ways, as they do things like pull out your chair for you, and open the car door for you. His father still does all this for his mother, so I dont think its something my bf does just to impress me. My bf is all against girls who dress in a way that shows alot of their skin and people who sleep around. Yet, on the other hand....my bf asked me if I wanted to have sex with him during our 3rd week of being in a relationship (its not been a month). I'm just kinda confused. Because he asked me so early on, it makes me have doubts in his values and beleifs. I don't want to have sex with him until im in love and there is alot of trust and so on...I thought he would be the same. This kinda upsets me. I told him no and he 'why?? dont you trust me?' and I said the reason is because I am not ready yet and dont feel we have been going out for long enough for me to be comfortable with that. He then went on to say something like 'aww come on, you can trust me baby'. I told him I still didnt want to. Then he goes "ok maybe tomorrow *laughs*" and i said i highly doubt things would change so quickly and he said "alright next week then *laughs*, u know u want to". I basically just then repeated what I said above that im not ready and i dont know when. This is so frustrating, its like either he doesnt understand how important sex is to me, like how much i value it, or he does but is jsut trying to pressure me?It's just so confusing because he seems like a real gentleman but then this whole sex thing makes me think otherwise. Any thoughts on this whole situation. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (3 March 2008):
 Hi,
It just goes to show that a lot of these people with so called high morals really only use this as a smokescreen to excuse their own lustful ambitions.
He is misrepresenting himself, giving you the impression that on one hand he is the perfect gentleman but when it really comes down to it he just wants to get his end off.
Ask him if he wants his future wife to be a virgin? His answer will tell you a lot about what he thinks of you.
See how he responds to that. But I think he's a hypocrite who only sees you as an opportunity for easy sex. Sorry.
A
female
reader, KT1 +, writes (2 March 2008):
You have every right to question his motives. I mean if you say his family is the way you say they are then, something is seriously amiss. If you're not ready, you're not ready and that's it. He has to accept that and he needs to back off, but if he doesn't, I think you should consider some time apart, just to make him realise that you are serious. To be really honest, you can’t trust him that much after three weeks. I’m not saying you don’t or shouldn’t trust him, I’m just saying, it requires a very high level of trust, which really can’t exist after such a short time. It is such a special thing and you shouldn't EVER feel pressured into it. He needs to respect you and by pressuring you, he's not respecting you. He should be grateful that you only want to do it when you're actually ready, committed and in love with him and that should be in line with his thoughts regarding girl's clothing and his family’s religious views etc. Which then ties back to what you were saying about his family having high morals etc. I'm sure if that's the case, they wouldn't look on his behaviour as proper or acceptable. I'm sure they'd only want you two to be doing it under such circumstances -those which are closer to what you want, not what he wants. Honestly, I think your heart is in the right place. I think you should seriously question his motives. Be careful, if he's only trying to use you, you should get out before you succumb to pressure; you deserve to be treated better than that. All the best!
...............................
|
