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female
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*ules1978
writes: I have been seeing a guy that I met off of the internet about 4 weeks ago. As soon as I met him I took off any dating profiles that I had online because I knew I wasn't looking to meet anybody else. In the first two weeks we was together it all started by him going through my mobile phone behind my back, which he told me he had done a couple of days later. Since that I have been accused of many things like: That I am going to cheat on him, or that I am just with him until somebody better comes along, that I am just with him to get what I can out of him. I removed all my profiles, I dyed my hair a darker coulour cause he kept on about how he would like me with darker hair,I have removed any male friends from my mobile after he asked me to, I have let him read texts anytime someone texts me. I am at my wits end of what to do next..... I have told him so many times that I am not going to cheat on him or that I am not there for his money but all of these accusations have drained me. We spoke about contraception and it was brought up about my not being on the pill. So because I wanted to be responsible I put some condoms in my top drawer so they were easily accessable, now hes called me a slag because I have them there even though I said it was just me wanting to be responsible and making sure I didnt fall pregnant as I already have two children.He has one woman who keeps texting him and calling him, he has lied to me saying that his mobile was in the car when I found it hidden in my house.He still goes onto his profiles to check for messages but says he does this because hes bored and has nothing else to do.There is a lot more to this but I dont want to write a book! I also have my own insecurities but I feel he borders more on possessive. The problem is my kids have met him and they adore him as hes fantastic with them and I really dont want to hurt them.... If I had the strength I would leave him, but I feel like I am never going to meet anyone right, before I met this guy I had been single for 2 years.Whatever happens with us he always seems to turn it round to being my fault, I feel like I have given my all to this man and know in my heart that I will be 100% loyal to him,I don't know what else to do. I feel so low right now and if I talk to anyone they say to leave him..... I know I should, so why cant I do that? I would be greateful for any advice no matter how small. I know people will think why on earth am I still with him if this is how I feel...... Truth is I dont think I love or like myself enough to leave. He keeps telling me that he has all these stunning women after him, and although he hasnt said it directly he has a way of making me feel really ugly.What can I do?Julie
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005): So, Julie, will your children be happy when later on down the line their mother is a wreck? Will they be happy if, as he is a control freak now, he begins to beat their mommy up?
I think you know the answer. You must drop him...right away.
You will be being the best mom you can by doing this, for THEIR SAKES!
Another thought, too. BE AWARE that pedophiles target lonely single moms. You need to wait......a substantial length of time, six or even nine months, if you are sure it is serious, before bringing you kids into the equation.And always be wary....if someone seems more interested in your kids than in you.....?
You must protect your children.
I also would like to say that I have been a lone mom, and I know how it feels. I married a long time male friend whom I was sure I could trust.
It is usually better to try and meet someone through friends as you can get a better idea of their character before you commit to a relationship.
Love and luck to you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): YOu have become the victim of a control freak. Your children are not a good judge of character, and he is manipulating them as well as he has done you. Stop the hair dying, and all the other changes. Tell him you are done with him, and get him out of your life. Move on. YOu can't help him, or cure him. He can be very dangerous to you and your children. Be prepared to act if he threatens you when you tell him its over. Make sure other members of your family know about him, as well as a trusted friend or neighbor. Tell them everything you have told us here, and everything you have left out. Write it all down, and leave it with someone. If you have a lawyer, talk to him about what he needs to get a restraining order against this guy if he won't take " no " from you. But, get away from him.
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A
female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (28 October 2005):
Julie,
You need to let this man go. As painful as it sounds he looks like someone who's behavior is giving away clues that he's predispositioned to be an abuser. Emotional abuse starts this way and eventually ends up physical. Your children met him too quickly because most people don't start introducing their kids to a new significant other until at least 6 months into the relationship to give time for kids to adjust to their mother or father's new partner coming around. It wasnt appropriate for your kids to meet him right away because you just met him yourself and 4 weeks is not a long time to know someone. I know it was hard being a single mother who hasnt dated in a while, but you would rather be alone than to be accused of things and mistreated. You deserve better than this and sounds like you're taking the any man is better than no man way out. It's stuff like this which does a disservice to women the world over, women are conditioned to find a man that they'll take up with him if he says all the things she wants to hear when she's not stopping to think about the fact that the man you got with could be hiding a dark past that you are not aware of which could have dire consequences. Never bring your children around a new boyfriend until you yourself have gotten to know him well enough to be trusted around your kids. I've heard too many horror stories of women moving men into their homes after 1-2 months of dating and not giving the kids a chance to adjust to such a change. If you want to meet a quality man who's not insecure with himself and is clearly giving off vibes in his behavior that indicates that he could be an abuser go to www.True.com and put on a profile and begin to meet someone who's screened by the service for any questionable things such as being married or any felony convictions. You don't know if this man's even being honest with you. End it quickly and move on it's better to be alone than mistreated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): Lady. Please use your brain. He is using you. He is a controlling ass. Do not ever try to keep a relationship for the kids' sake. It will never work out. Kids will get over it. They learn. You should too. Do you honestly want to be miserable for the rest of your life, just so your kids can be happy with some controlling, insecure prick?
You are right now- a desperate mom. Seeking to find someone to fill that empty void. You don't need that kind of person in your life. Please be smart. And drop the fool.
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