A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 3 yrs slapped me in the face yesterday just because I was nagging him very late at night when he wanted to sleep. Is his action justifiable?? He blames me for provoking him since I didnt respect him in letting him sleep. Now, I feel it's all my fault. Hugs to all you that reply back. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (19 September 2007):
First of all there is nagging and there is nagging. One can be the odd sarcastic comment at the gentle end and can be foul mouth blatant verbal abuse at the harsh end.
There is also slapping and slapping. One can be playful at the gentle end and can hospitalise at the harsh end.
My immediate thoughts is that he was completely over the top for doing this and it probably wouldn't have been your fault. Why? Because if I am that tired I don't think I would notice if somebody was nagging me - I would just go to sleep and have done with it. If he had enough energy in him to slap you then in my mind he wasn't as tired as he claims he was and therefore his actions are not justifiable in any way whatsoever.
You say about not respecting him but shouldn't respect be earned and not demanded?
This seems to be going the direction of an abusive relationship as the seeds for this seem already in place. The fact that you are feeling guilty and you feel you are at fault is the start of the submission of absolute control. Abusers crave absolute control over their victims be it beatings, rape, mental torture etc. If you just read your question again to yourself you paint a pretty detailed picture of an abusive relationship in the making.
The only person that can stop this is you - either by standing your ground and making sure lines are not crossed and that any respect is earned ten times over before it is ever given, or by getting out of the relationship to regain your complete freedom once again.
I hoped this has helped a bit.
Trev
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I am shocked that you can even try and justify what he did. I was a battered wife for a long time, sorry but i would tell you immediatley to run like hell. No one should be hit, no matter what they did, and you did nothing wrong. Please do not stay with him. I cannot emphasis enough that you should not let him off with this. He even turned the blame around onto you and now you feel bad, wake up and get rid.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I should not worry too much. You have known him 3 years, you know he is not violent. OK, if it happens again leave but it probably will not. It was not a justifiable thing to do, don't get me wrong, but he could have been desperate to shut you up. The purists will say he was being abusive, well I would say maybe you were too, verbally drilling his tired brain. It sounds like torture. I am sorry he slapped you. He owes you a sorry, a cuddle and a nice evening out. You owe him an agreement to leave difficult chats until the morning. I do mean it that it must not happen again, I am deadly serious about that.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (19 September 2007):
 What? You are actually asking if its justified? No-one deserves to be treated in that way. He had no right to slap you whatever the situation.
As for you feeling guilty. So you may have nagged him, but you still dont slap someone for it! No matter who they are!
The fact that he hit you for nagging, and the fact that this is someone that is supposed to love you, I think his actions speak volumes. He has no respect for you!
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A
female
reader, little miss helpful +, writes (19 September 2007):
 no his actions are not justable at all.
fair enough he might have been angery but he shouldnt of done that to you at all.
its not your fault at all and you need to tell him he was in the wrong not you he could have just told you you was making him angery or just ignored you or explained he wanted to sleep.
id be careful if i was you hun once they do it they think they can get away with it and it becomes a regular thing.
DONT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU?
just take care of yourself if he starts getting vilont again get out of the relationship before its to late!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): i don't know, now and then i'll get provoked so much that I'll destroy something important. If I'm trying to sleep and my wife wont shut the hell up and I really really really need to get to sleep I'll go from room to room till she gets the idea. sleep on the couch, floor whatever. But i wouldn't hit her. it could be reflex for this guy, it really depends on how much he feels it's his fault, if he's like "WOW! I'm soooooo sorry" and every day for a month is begging you for forgiveness then it probably was an accident and was a reflex. However if he is making you feel like it's your fault then it means more are on the way. And then your guy friends that are in love with you have to hear about it and wonder why you stay with him, so on that note, get rid of the guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Being a nag does not justify slapping you - its or perogative as women!
I hope that you wont let him get away with this, not that you should split, just dont let it go otherwise he will think he has got away with it and it could be the beginings of another violent relationship.
It is not your fault - don't accept the blame. x
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