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female
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*sianGirl
writes: Dear cupid, My boyfieind and I had a child but he refuses to accept it because he doubted if it is really his. But the truth is it's really his child. My family got angry because it was an insult to me and the baby, but the truth is I have been doing drugs in the past when they sent me to college and they don't have any idea about it. That's why my boyfriend doubted, but later on he realised that the baby is really his because it really looks like him. He regrets it and asked for forgiveness and I accepted that because we still loved each other so much. He want us to be family but my family couldn't forgive him anymore because they thought that the reason he won't acknowledge the child is because his scared of a responsibilty and that he might fool us again. But I believe in my boyfriend that he regrets all of it. How can I tell them the truth? Please help me.
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female
reader, karma +, writes (14 September 2005):
if you have a stronger bond with one of your parents you should try to dicuss it with that parent. at the end of the day your family only wants what ever makes you happy and they proved that by disliking him in the first place. if you cant tell them give them a chance to get their heads around the fact that he does love you and yer baby once they see him make the effort that should be enough you and the babies welfare is what should matter most actions speak louder then words
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2005): Sit down and tell your parents. Telling the truth would be the most commendable and the respectable thing you could do. Because by not telling your parents the truth, you are shortchanging yourself, your bf and your baby..to move forward and have a happy life together with Mom and Dad's blessing. That would be ideal, wouldn't it? One of the most common assumptions is that our loved ones can't handle the truth. We worry they might withdraw from, worry about, blame or judge us. The most necessary ingredient in telling the truth is responsibility. Without the sense of responsibility to yourself, to your bf, to your parents, honesty is impossible.
It still may not change anything for now but at least they will understand your boyfriend's position a bit better, on why he doubted you, in the beginning. I advocate telling the truth even when it's difficult for you. We don't want to take responsibility for our choices. And many of us would rather stay with what is familiar and safe, than take that risk. So we choose to not be upfront to others, as well as to ourselves. Dishonesty alienates us from ourselves! Whereas honesty earns self respect. So...take ownership of the part you played in this circumstance and prove to you, to your parents, to your bf, that you can be the most open, honest person, they expect you to be. Good luck.
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, bee +, writes (12 September 2005):
well I think your family might have point - I mean what difference does it make if you did some drugs? Why might that make the child not his? Why does it give him a reason to think he should suspect he isn't the father?
I really think you might be projecting the guilt you feel for doing drugs behind your parents' backs onto this situation with your boyfriend.
You must let go of the guilt about that.
If your boyfriend honestly wants to make things work now, then it sounds like you should try hard to give it a go. Try sitting down with your family and simply saying that it's been a bit of a shocking ahnd difficult time all around but you have come to terms with your boyfriend's initial freak-out and you'd appreciate it if they made everybody's life easier by supporting your decision and giving him another chance.
Good luck.
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