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female
,
anonymous
writes: Ok I have a huge problem! I am 19 years old, currently dating a 31 year old for the past 3 months.Everything is great and he's so much fun and I like him a lot. I lost my virginity to him and he's such a sweet guy, treats me very kindly. The only problem, I'm not completely over my ex. I was with him for 2 and a half years and we decided to take a break just because we never dated anyone other than each other. I never had sex with him because I always figured I'd wait until marriage. I know that if he finds out about this he will never want to be with me again. We have been talking and me and my ex still love each other but I'm so scared that if I get back together with him, he will end it because of what I did. I really need to be back with him because he's all I think about. What should I do? Please help! I desperately need him back and he needs me back too. Thanks for your time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2005): well, yes, it is not so fair to be with your current boyfriend and have your heart somewhere else, so you need to sort that out.
But more importantly- Your virginity is YOUR thing. Its your business! I'm guessing your ex had had sex before he was with you? or not? if you have broken up then it is your perogative to do what you want. If your virginity being gone is such a big deal for your ex then that's kinda creepy. stay away!
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (12 September 2005):
 Honesty goes along way. With that said I think you should tell your ex-boyfriend the truth. You too were on a break because you wanted to date other people. Sometimes when you meet other people, sex gets involved. By telling him the truth your starting your relationship with your ex on the right path. Secondly, you slept with one man, correct? it wasnt like you went out having sex with everyone you meet. Explain to him that you were dating an older man that you had very strong feelings for and you gave yourself to him. If he loves you and wants to be with you as much as he says he does, it wont matter too much. Just so you know a guy hates to think of his current girl or ex-girl with another guy. So be prepared that he might react harshly at first. Let him release that anger. Once it is all out of his system then see where he wants to go from there. Who knows he might have lost his virginity too. When all is said and done, if he doesnt want to get back with you after that, then you dont want to be with a person who judges you anyways.
Dee =)
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (12 September 2005):
 A) You aren't being fair at all to your current boyfriend by being in touch with your ex, still loving your ex and wanting to go back with your ex. You are in actual fact simply using your current boyfriend. Put yourself in his shoes; it wouldn't feel too nice, would it, if he was in contact with his ex and longing to be back with her but was just using you for the interim period?
B) Are you sure that your ex hasn't slept with anyone in the time you have been apart?
C) Is your ex aware that you have a boyfriend? Are you being truthful to him?
D) Trust is extremely important in a relationship. I would suggest you tell your ex the whole story otherwise even if you did get back with him, he may eventually find out through another source. It is best he knows now. If he doesn't wish to know you because you have lost your virginity to another guy, then he isn't the one for you. You require a man more mature than that and more wise to what happens in life. If you split up to find out what it would be like to date other people, surely he wouldn't be naive enough to think that you would 'save' yourself only for him? I'm sorry if that sounds a bit sharp but at the end of the day, if he loves you, he will want to be with you for the here and now, not for what happened before.
E) Even if you don't get back with your ex, tell your boyfriend how you feel. You can't just use him for fun. Is he aware that you aren't taking the relationship seriously?
I think perhaps you need some time on your own to figure out exactly what you want from a man. You are very young and I feel that your ex may not be mature enough either if he is likely to not want to know you once he's aware that you have lost your virginity to another.
Take some time out to discover what you really want from a relationship.
Good luck.
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