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female
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anonymous
writes: Can someone help? I seem to be stuck in a cycle.. all I do is choose really good looking guys and predictably this ends in depressing disaster because most of those men are too busy enjoying themselves to really want a girlfriend.At least, that's been my experience!They seem to be unable to resist the lure of full-on flirting or at the very least egotistical behaviour.I feel so disillusioned now - the men I like just seem like they are inevitably going to hurt me badly.I have had a succession of diasastrous relationships with these men. But I admit I find it such a thrill to date 'a catch'. My friend says I choose them becasue I always felt ugly as a child and have something to prove now...My mother says I need to go for someone less good looking because they will be nicer to me and they are the 'good guys'.Basically my friends and family all laugh at me for choosing the typically good looking guys.But when I go out and try to find a nice guy who isn't so gorgeous or whatever, I just don't find them atractive. I really don't want to be intimate with someone I'm not attracted to.How can I change this and find someone to be happy with?Thank you
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female
reader, GISELA +, writes (1 October 2005):
I feel in the same way but I hope one day to meet a good-looking guy who treats me well. I think that it's possible because I'm a good-looking girl and nice as a person and I don't see why I cannot someone like me... but I suppose that women are different from men...
A
male
reader, ive been there +, writes (12 September 2005):
wow. umm....dont take this the wrong way but it seems like you are almost as bad as the guys you date. why deos everything have to be based around looks. think of it like this- you dont have to search for a cute or less cute guy. looks has nothing to do with your problem. before you start getting serious with someone you should really get to know them. if you base your sole attraction on looks what deos that say about you. your eyes-his reflection, may stimulate your brain but his heart will affect yours-good or bad. so dont base your relationship outcome on ones appearence but rather whats inside, and if he's cute then thats just icing on a cake!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2005): Maybe the fact that you are out looking is part of the problem when you come to the attractive thing. I have found that some people who i at first thought were just ordinary looking soon became very good looking and attractive to me when i got to know them- and then felt comfortably about going out with them. It does take longer- but it is less superficial and you're more likely to have a better relationship- so it's worth it!
So enlarge your circle of friends, join that club you've always been meaning to or try that thing you want to. meet some new people and get to know them- see what happens!
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