A
female
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anonymous
writes:Ok, so my boyfriend and I are studying away from home (in Canada). We live together too. He goes home every 4 months and spends time with his family and friends and has a total blast, partying and all that! I go home every 4 months too, but since my parents and brother moved to the US, I spend all my time at home while there because I don't know anyone around. So well, it so happens that the only way then that I can keep in touch with my old friends is either through the internet-emails, chatting on IM or by phone. As a matter of fact, two months back one of my closest friends was in the US for some work and we talked on the phone a lot more than we usually could. Even after he went back, we continued talking and I am now, after 2 yrs of being here, making plans to visit my home country coz I miss my friends and cousins. This guy happens to be one of my closest friends, he's been there for me through everything, supporting me through my toughest times, without judging me. I'd had a major crush on him when I first met him but that was like 9 yrs ago, and there was a time when I was pursuing him but it didn't work out too well, and we have shared one kiss in the last 9 yrs which i didn't like too much. He is now in a relationship with a girl I have grown to love and respect. Even while we were in the same country, after 1999, I met him in 2004, but we'd of course been in touch all along. My boyfriend knows about all this. And now he has a problem with me talking so much to him. He says he trusts me completely, but thinks I talk to my friend more than I talk to him!!! This is soooo totally not even true! I checked and it turns out i spoke to him for less than 30 minutes from 19-23 Jan. I told him that he has female friends too at home and I know nothing about how many times, how much and simply how he talks to them, meets them, whatever he does there while he knows everythign about me and my friend because I don't try to make our talks secret or anything. Everything is out in the open. He has passwords to all my email accounts, IM chat logs...just because I have nothing to hide. He checked my phone the other day and tried to find something suspicious, but couldn't. I don't care about that, because I have nothing to hide. But isn't it unreasonable for him to have such a big problem with it? I mean, he got mad when I said something about pics with those girls back home (Yea, I'd posted a q here about it)...What am I supposed to do about this?? My friend called today and I didn't take his call coz I thought I should reduce how much I talk to him...Is that what I should be doing? I'd love hear all sorts of thoughts on this. Thanks a ton.
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female
reader, pink fraggle  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 he's just insecure. Reassure him that this is a platonic friendship. I couldnt work out if he was first or your boyfriend. I have many male friends and friends do come in different shapes ages race and gender! im sorry but this is something your boyfriend has got to get over. He reads and checks everything already so he must know there's nothing in it. Keep your mates because you never know when you'll need them :-)
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Your boyfriend is way too controlling and for him to try to "force" you to have less contact with your friend is just wrong.
I also don't really like the he violates your integrity by checking your email accounts and phone. That's not right.
I think you really need to get through to your boyfriend that you and your friend have no romantic interests in each other whatsoever and that he needs to stop being so insecure.
Tell him that you love him and ask him if he has any reason to believe that you would cheat on him, because if he doesn't, then he has no reason to keep you from talking to your friend.
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