A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 8 years. I've done everything for him. He left in the beginning of January to his sister in another country, without even notifying me. I heard it through the grape vine.He hasnt contacted me up to now. I've contacted his family and they say they dont have a contact number for him... Which I know for a fact they do.He is 41 this year, I'm seven years younger than him. He never used to like work. I always paid our rent and made sure there is food in the house. He is a heavy drinker and I have begged him to stop as this is when when we were the happiest. He always blamed me for not having anything in life. But I have a car and I had a job, and no one helped me but myself.Whenever he made an error, he would always blame someone else. It was never him... He was very good at making people believe that he is the innocent one. Everybody else to blame!!!I truely love him and dont know how to go on without him in my life.Please tell me if you think he will contact me soon. I cant eat or sleep. I've lost 10kg's since he's gone. I just want to hear his voice and find out if he is okay!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 No I don't think he is going to contact you in the near future and I think you might have to accept that you are not going to hear from him again unless he wants something. He is running away from his past life, his debts, everything. He is a con man and he will be starting anew somewhere else. He will not want to be reminded of his past. I know you so want to hear his voice but it is really for the best. He isn't a good person. I am sorry for what you are going through but I think in the end that you will see it is best that he has gone. You will get over this, just take each day slowly. You are already further down the line than you were.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello All,
Thank you for all the response. It did help a bit, because I woke up last night rembering why he realy ran away. And it was not because of me!
He was advertising building construction work for a while, and people paid money into his account and he also ordered some material which was never paid for. Everyone started looking for him because he ran away with their money... And this is why he left SA. What an idiot!!
I must say, I felt better after reading all your answers and it made me think very hard.
Today was still difficult, everytime my phone rings, Im hoping to hear his voice. But it is for the best.
The real question was does anyone think he will return in the near future?
Thanks once again.
Me
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 Well you might not want to hear it, but I think him leaving was a blessing in disguise. Now you can concentrate on YOU. He seemed like a useless fella to be honest.
Find yourself a man who not only love and appreciate you but contribute to the relationship in every way.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 I know you probably care about him but honestly? He doesn't sound like much of a catch.
I think in the long run this will be a good thing, because if he's an alcoholic who doesn't like working and blames everyone else for his problems, I doubt he's going to get any better in the future.
Plus, if he just up and left without telling you, then that's a pretty good sign that he wants to move on. I know you may be hurting, but it will pass and you will find someone else who will be more worthy of your love and affection. Don't waste anymore time and energy on someone who can't be bothered to even tell you his whereabouts.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 February 2010):
I hate to tell you this, but this is the best thing that could have happened. You're free of a guy who is an alcoholic, doesn't care for you at all and blames you for everything, and even blamed you for not having things in his life. He's perfectly fine wherever he is You might think you're not better off, but now you have a chance to move on and find a guy who won't blame you and everyone else for things that are wrong.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (3 February 2010):
Honey I am not sure if he is going to contact you at least not for a while. To disappear like that is pretty heavy stuff. I imagine it is hugely drink fuelled but he also feels guilty. In my experience men shy away from confrontation so I don't think he will want to deal with this one.
This is not your fault in any way and sadly you are just going to have to get on with things - there isn't any other choice. Take each day as it comes. Stop asking his parents for a number. Yes they have it but he has asked that they don't give it to you.
Don't keep asking. You may well have loved him but he wasn't that great a catch was he. You paid for everything, strangely he didn't take to working, you kept all afloat and he drank. Without fail he will be struggling without you but that is his problem not yours. He sounds like a very weak man to me.
Ok you have lost 10kgs so you will be looking great!
Every day get up get dressed and put your make up on. Make the effort every day. Go to work and concentrate on your job. This will fill up the time. Do not try to contact him or anything like that - leave him well alone. I know it is really hard but if you do this every day then one day you will feel better about things.
You will probably find that after a while he will make contact and try to creep back to you but hopefully you will be feeling stronger by then and can look at the situation for what it was. Honestly you can do sooooo much better. xxxx
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