A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of almost three years refuses to attend a wedding in my hometown with me. His excuse is that he doesn't want to spend his weekend with a bunch of people he doesn't know. This, to me, spells trouble. The wedding is of my oldest friend that I've known for almost 20 years. I understand that attending a wedding for someone you don't know is daunting, but I've made it clear to him that this is something that is really important to me and something that I need his support on. None of my family will be in attendance due to being out of town, and my best girlfriend will be attending with her boyfriend. This leaves me alone and out of luck.After a huge fight over the matter, I'm wondering if this relationship is even worth the effort anymore. His refusal to go is upsetting to me because if roles were reversed and he was the one needing me to be there for him, I would go with no questions asked. As hard as it is, I'm thinking it's time to move on from this relationship. Am I over-reacting?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Over-reacting? No. Relationships are about supporting each other and sometimes it means sacrificing our own needs and desires to put the other person first. Especially when it's something that's important to you, as this obviously is. But let's look at something else. You didn't mention if your b/f has ever attended other social functions with you. If not, it could be that he's a bit socially phobic. My first husband was like this. For the first 5 years of our marriage he was a no show at every Christmas party, every office function where spouses were invited and expected to attend. The reason? He was painfully shy. He had difficulty making small talk with people and he never knew what to wear (and trust me, they secretly hate it when we dress them)....Keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend. My husband never readily admitted that he felt uncomfortable at social gatherings, (male ego at its worst) but I finally figured it out on my own because he was good to me in every other way. So he really wasn't deliberately trying to hurt or abandon me. He eventually grew out of some of his phobias, but also he didn't like the fact that when I attended parties without him, I usually hit the clubs afterwards with my friends and came home very late and very drunk. This strategy may not work for everyone, but he attended parties with me after that. Good luck.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Technically he should but he by no means has to. I would say it's fair that he should do it for you if you've done all the things you say you've done for him. However, before breaking up with him try using your feminine wiles to get him to go with you. Why not say it's fine because you can invite male X who you work with, is a good single friend etc. Or just nonchalantly suggest that it's fine because weddings are great for meeting new people.
This is not the advice I'd have given you a week ago since I've never agreed in playing games before but now I think that with some men(and women) it's necessary and it might be the case with yours
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 June 2007):
 I don;t think you are over reacting at all it's only fair that he should attend with you like you say you would do the same for him, if he can not be supportive of you move on and find someone that can.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Youre not over reacting at all. Your there for him when he needs you and he should reciprocate. The thing is though, shouting will never get your point across, its almost as if the louder a person gets the less people hear you. From what i've read you've asked him nicely and and told him how important to you it is and that should be enough, you shouldnt have to push so hard for one weekend. It sounds though, like there is some other issue. Not wanting to spend your weekend with people you dont know is not an adequate excuse. If hes just being selfish and cant compromise for the relationship, than its not a HEALTHY relationship and you should leave.
good luck
-Myesha
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