A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I have been in my relationship for about 3 months now.The problem is that he doesnt feel the need to apologise when he offends me or admit he was wrong. After any quarrel even though he was clearly wrong his replies are that are asked for it. We had a argument about a week back because he accused me of something which i didnt do. He rained curses on me and even when i tried to tell him i didnt he refused to believe me. He later came to find out that it wasnt me.i was upset and asked for an apology. He said he wont apologise to me and i was so angry i said if that is the case he shouldnt ever call me. He hasnt since then.Do you think i overreacted? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): get out whilst the relationship is young. i have made the worst mistake of my life by marrying someone like you are going out with although mine was not like that at the start. it is self confidence destroying makes you stressed out for no reason and makes you wonder what you have done wrong! i now know i have done nothing other than be myself and am still trying to escape! I know this sounds dramatic but i would never want anyone to live through the year i just had.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Nope. Respect is a huge part of any successful relationship. Your boyfriend's inability or unwillingness to apologize when he's wrong shows a lack of respect for you. And a lack of respect equals a lack of love. This relationship will never flourish unless he learns this simple skill. If he hasn't called you, consider the relationship over with and move on. There are better men out there for you! Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): No, you aren't over-reacting. Frankly, he sounds like a stubborn, insecure young man. Got to watch..these guys can be emotionally distant and controlling. ! One always, always apologizes to another after inflicting delibrate pain on the other. Always. Your relationship is in big trouble. Your boyfriend lacks the ability to express regret and sorrow when he has deeply offended you. He is not righting a wrong and this is likely a character issue with you. This is not a good thing in a healthy, quality relationship What has happened to the two of you, is his offenses have built up over time, to the point where you are fed up. And because he is refusing to apologize for any damages he has incurred upon you,,he is giving the clear message he does not value you or your feelings. Thus the shaky state and possible demise of your relationship. What he needs to understand that the oh-so easy, sincere act of saying "I'm sorry' act can re-establish the love, the goodwill and bond you both have shared. He probably has thought in the past, after he has committed the offense, that he'll just wait this out until the air is cleared. A lot of people get pig headed and stubborn and do this. Then they, for the life of them, cannot fathom or understand 'why' suddenly, outof the blue...their relationship has blown up in their faces, after saying the littlest, smallest offense. What he doesn't understand is that all of these infractions that warranted an genuine apology from him..have stayed within youand are building mnmentum, possibly killing your love, slowly over time. It's all seeping out of you. Sit with your bf and tell him what is happening to you. Also mention to him that the perfect time to sayhe's sorry...is usually right after he has offended you and he realizes he did a grave wrong. If he hurts you again, tell him he has went over the line and start setting boundaries with him. Tell him he is wrong and he needs to accept full responsibility. If he refuses then that should tell you a bit about his character and how he 'truely' feels about you. Which is a lack of love and respect. He needs to make changes to how he deals with remorse or regret. I hope he finds it in his heart to start expressing compassion and redress when he hurts others. If he can't...walk away or you will have a tough, hurtful future with this guy. Frankly, I think apologizing is an act of courage and it displays humility and caring. I hope you are able to get through to him. Good luck dear and take care.
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A
female
reader, myp  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 You did not over react at all. He messed up and wont apologize, and that indicates serious insecurity about weakness. If he wont apologize for his indiscretions than let him go, and if you want to keep him then you guys seriously need to talk about his problems with vulnerability and his self-image.
good luck
-Myesha
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