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anonymous
writes: I am a very confused person right now. About a year and half ago, by boyfriend of 5 years cheated on my with someone he works with. He said that we would work on things and it wouldn't happen again. So I forgave him, but he left me for her anyways. A month later he comes back and wants to be together, well that lasted for 3 days and he eventually left for good.Now all of a sudden out of the blue, he makes contact and says that he would like to talk. So we agree and he just wanted to tell me that he was sorry for everything that he did to me. And now we're just friends, and we see each other and call each other. But there's one problem, he has a kid with this girl and right now they're not together.Well, last week we were hanging out and having a good time and we ended up having sex. We both agreed that there were no strings attached and that it shouldn't happen again. Well it happened again 2 days later. And I am confused as to what I should do. So if someone has some advice I'd appreciate it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Hiyya.... well im kinda in the same situation at the moment so i cant really say alot but i can see that he is using you for only sex and someone he may need when hes got know one else, maybe hes not completly over you but he obviously doesnt have any respect for you what so ever!ive realised that men like that take away your confidence and then just f*** you off and i just hope u learn not to sleep with him anymore, you deserve way better and you will get alot better if you are out there looking, you just need to say to him stop phoning me etc ..and get on with your life! i really hope for you that you get rid of him and find someone that will love you for you and not for your body!! i also wanna say that maybe hes treating someone else the same way he treated you when you was in a relationship or maybe he will again so help someone out and dont give him the benifit of the doubt and boost his ego so say go away! also Remember What goes around comes around, he will have his day dont you worry!... and also i no its easy for me to say and hard for you to do especially if you love him but hes walking all over you!! Good Luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005): hi i have been in a similar situation myself, my boyfriend left me for another girl and then broke up with her too. he came back to me wanted "no strings" sex, and i agreed, this continued for about 2 monthes, untill he left me for another girl again. i wouldnt recommend it, you end up getting all of your old feelings for him back and its so so hard to let go, also (from my experiance anyway) the guy ends up ONLY wanting you for sex and friendship completly goes out the window. you need to remember that if this guy has asked for "no strings " sex , that is ALL he wants, there is no chance anymore of furthering the relationship with him. you need to decide if this is what you want, but as soon as u have "no strings sex" u wnt be friends anymore. its your choice, but just remember he WILL just be using you for the sex.
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reader, making_a_splash +, writes (27 May 2005):
I think that it is a difficult situation to assess but you have got to think that he is a cheater. He split up with you to be with someone else and when things have fallen through with her he comes running back. He figures that you are an easy target because you probably haven't got over him yet. I have been in a similar situation and I am telling you that sex with no strings attached will only hurt you. The more it happens the closer you will feel to him and the more likely you are to get hurt. You deserve so much more than this guy! Forget him and go out and have a good time with your girlfriends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2005): I think you should get away from that situation. You are only going to end up hurt. It sounds to me he wants his cake and to eat it. Think more of yourself and don't let yourself be used like this. Remember he can only do on you what you allow him to. Your worth more than that, your too good for him.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 May 2005):
 I think the first thing you need to do is figure out what it is that you want from this 'relationship'. Are you happy to continue things as they are or do you want more? Once you have extablished this, then you can consider asking him what he exactly wants.He knows how you feel for him so he could be taking advantage of this. It is up to you whether you want this to continue.You need to ask yourself if you could trust him again if you did have a proper relationship.Once you know what you yourself really wants, then you can go forward and either stop this from continuing, push for more or carry on as you are.I hope this helps.
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reader, ourhearttoheart +, writes (26 May 2005):
If you're into this for just casual sex, be happy. If you are looking for a permanent relationship....move on. Being friends with a true friend is great. Confusing it with casual sex...well, obvious, it makes it confusing...Look into yourself, find what you want and start a path to your search...
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reader, atallini +, writes (26 May 2005):
You should leave him because he is obviously having his cake and eating it to!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2005): You can't spend your life like that. I would start to look for someone else who will treat you with the respect you deserve. The first time shame on him the second time shame on you. You need to move on and cut your ties with him. If he is serious about a relationship with you he will understand that you can't trust him and don't deserve to be treated that way.
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reader, Charisma +, writes (26 May 2005):
I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. It seems he wants to move on but doesn't want to let you go. I would advise you to be proactive, take the first step and move on as soon as possible, he's using you as a second option. He's treated you badly and played with your emotions. Keep a comfortable distance from him and occassionally refuse to meet him due to prior engagements. It's not playing hard to get, it's showing him he is not the only good thing in your life.You are worth more than a part-time relationship and you should actively start seeking dates.His child will (should) always come first and will be a constant reminder of the pain he put you through by cheating.He may get jealous of the attention that you get from other men and plead to have you back. Getting back in 'the game' will boost your confidence and fill the time that he used to take up. I wouldn't rush into a full on relationship too soon take your time and it sounds corny but learn to love yourself and realise your true value. This guy seems like he can't really enhance your life - there's pain ahead but keep moving through and you'll be a stronger person for it in the end. Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2005): He's using you. It's really obvious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2005): Hi,Every woman has to take responsibility for what happens to her. You take responsibility for allowing him to walk all over you and then again. Men and women are different. He'll say and mean at the time, the sweetiest things and promises. However, what you end up feeling from this relationship is the best indication if this is good or bad. And if it is already this bad, it is unlikely he will suddenly start to treat you better. Men love bitches because it shows them you deserve to be treated better, and they dare not treat you less than you would yourself...xoxo fechon
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