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female
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*unedayzz
writes: Ok so here's the deal. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We are great friends and we have a pretty good relationship with a couple minor fights every once in a while. When I first met him he was a total slut, he would sleep with anything and everything didn't matter what they looked like how old they were, nothing. He's the second person I've been with. I don't really like his past but I know people change. Anyway I don't think he is attracted to me at all. You know that sorta passion you have for someone when you just can't wait to see them, you love making out with them etc. We've never had that. We prolly do it 3 times a month, if it's a good month. Do you think i'm not slutty enough for him? Or why would it be that way? I'm a pretty good looking girl and it is just strange to me that this guy doesn't even seem interested in me in that way at all. Everytime I ask him if he wants to do it he says he's tired or some other lame excuse. There has been numerous times where we've been doing it and he has lost his erection. Is something wrong with me or what? It is really making me wonder about our relationship and it's making me not really trust him. I've tried talking to him about it and he just gets mad at me??? Write me back any feedback will help. THanks
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (24 August 2006):
 I was completely in your position a few months ago. My boyfriend has slept with over one hundred women and it kills me, especially when I have to see them. When we first got together it was great, then it went off a bit and he used to lose his erection and never want sex.
I felt so bad, just like you. I thought he enjoyed it more with them, as he managed to perform with them even when he was drunk. I never really got over this, it shattered my self esteem and I'm just starting to build it back up.
You need to talk to him. I did and he said it's different with them and told me it was like a 'fantasy' on a one night stand, which I didn't like. He said it meant nothing and the only thing on his mind was ejaculating. Also, he said he fantasised about famous people while he was doing it.
He says its better with me, making love is so much more special. I know he has changed but I don't know whether his past is ever something I can get over. I know this isn't really much help, I just want you to know you're not the only one in this boat and if you want to chat more, send me a personal mail.
Really, hun, you need to think long and hard about whether this is something you want to live with. I think people can change but the tendencies are always there and that never goes away. I still don't know whether his past is something I can deal with and it's highly likely I will leave him one day. Get in contact with me if you like. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): It is really hard to tell what might be going through your boyfriends mind. As a male I can tell you right now that if he has lost his sexual confidence then that would explain why he does not initiate sex that often especially if you say he has lost his erection during sex. That's devastating for a guy, and dont think its because your not attractive enough. You hint that maybe you feel it is because you are not slutty enough. This could hinder his ability to get aroused if his 'mojo' is down, but I doubt very much that its the cause of the problem. I would not confront him head on, rather you could try another tack. Vamp up your sex life with some kinky gear or buy him a box of herbal libido enhancers (though this is not exactly subtle), or watch a porn DVD together, and gauge his reaction. He could be suffering from erectile dysfunction, or he may be secrectly masterbating a lot, which is not going to a good thing from your perspective as it really means somethings lacking it your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (24 August 2006):
 I think that everybody is entitled to a past hunny, so you really have got to stop calling him a slut. Maybe try being a little nicer to him, make him feel good about himself. He obviously loves you and you him but because of your insecurities he has lost interest in sleeping with you. He probably finds it as too much of a mission. I bet when you are sleeping with him you are trying your hardest to compare to all the other women he has slept with, aren't you? He can probably see this and is put off. Try and relax. Why don't you get a bottle of wine, a nice film and a nice meal and complement him. Talk about his day and what you have both been up to, but don't talk about this sex issue. Then spontaneously just come on to him, he should love it because he wasnt expecting it. Good luck, remember to compliment him a bit more though hunny.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006): I can tell by how you chose your words that you are resentful at his past and that you use his past against him to belittle him and make him feel like crap over his life decisions.
The problem is you chose him for reasons which you have forgotten...perhaps love or you chose him so you could abuse him emotionally.
He wouldn't be attracted of late because your insecurities have surfaced and you take them out on him.
You sound very bitter and angry. I am sure this spills out onto him and thus he is pulling away from you.
You called him a slut.
You don't love him.
You probably chose him as you saw him as a pushover and use this side of his personality to abuse him.
You came on here in hopes that we will all go...poor you, you are a saint and he doesn't love you...poor, poor, widdle you.
Get some counseling for yourself to address your issues.
When you can heal from your angry and hurtful childhood...abuse doesn't always mean violence...it is absence of affection, absence of a parent's attention, it is absense of a mother/father/child relationship in the right sense...it seems that either you mother or father belittled you or someone in your home and now you are acting this dynamic out.
Stop it.
Love means to praise, admire, support, understand, accept,and forgive the one you are with.
Counseling; do it.
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