A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys..well, im dating this guy called pete..and i spoke to him recently about how i cant concentrate on my studies because im spending too much time with him.Petes already left college but im in 6th form/college and im doing my A levels this year, last year i got okay marks in my GCSE's but this time i want to get higher grades. [i may seem like a stufy freak at this point]but im not.ive seen what happened to my brother in his GCSE's and A levels and i dont want the same to happen to me. and with pete he hardly ever studied but he got great marks so he was naturally clever and didnt have to work as much.But when i told him that i needed to concentrate on my studies and i could spend time in the weekends with him he kinda go a little upset/angry.ive tried speaking to him quit alot of times. and i do love him he knows that but i dont understand why he wont listen to me, he knows that my studies are important to me and he knows he is important to me but it kinda feels like hes making me pick my studies or him.[ he HASNT actually said that though].Please help...xIs there anything i can say to him...or is this just not going to work out...x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Like you said for him he didn't have to study it all came pretty much naturally for him therefore he won't really understand why you would need to devote time to your studies, you need to try and talk to him again and while telling him why you need the time also throw in some reassuring comments regarding your relationship so he doesn't feel that you are picking studies over him or saying they are more important even though when it comes down to it neither one is in competing against the other as they aren't even in the same catagory.
You need to try and give time to both at the same time, you could tell him that you worrying about him being upset about this is causing you to struggle to get your mind onto your studies and you don't want to have to devote more time to your studies because of this he might then stop making things hard for you and accept this decision.
Good luck :o)
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (25 September 2006):
 you do need to have a good talk with him otherwise this relationship just wont work. if he was naturally clever and got good grades in his exams how about asking him for his help? He should understand that getting good grades in your exams is important and it does determine your future, so he is kind of eacting selfishly if he is more or less making you choose between him and studying. Tell him that he should support you whatever you decide and that he should stick by you, because at the end of the day if you 2 do end up together would he not want you to succeed? Maybe he thinks that you are saying that you will have absolutely no time for him and that you won't get to see him any day of the week so just point out clearly to him that you don't want to be going "mad" and not studying, you need "alone" time to concentrate and relax and he should grant you that.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986 +, writes (25 September 2006):
 If he has been to college himself he should understand how important it is to you. I think that he is being pretty selfish myself and at the end of the day your studies do have to come first. Boyfriends come and go but this is your whole life and future.
I know you love him and you are trying to be fair but you cannot feel bad, you have tried compromising with him and he obviously cannot except that.
I think that you should tell him how much you love him but you want to build a good life, remind him that you have your whole lives together. You could ask him for a little help as he got good grades himself.
But tell him you need him to be patient and you need his support or you will have to put him aside for good. You cannot let anyone hold you back. You have ambition and there are not enough ambitious people out there. So you put yourself forward and romance after. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Forest +, writes (25 September 2006):
If he's your boyfriend then you should spend some time with him. But he should also respect the fact you need to spend time studying. If you say to him "I really love you, but right now I need to concentrate on my studies so I can't see alot of you" then he should understand this. If he does not understand this, then he needs to grow up. He should be grateful that you see him at all.
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