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female
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*dastra
writes: I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and we live together. He can be very controlling and our general arguments are over me doing things without him. If my plans don't include him he sees this as a rejection, and quite often instigates an argument which then has to be resolved 'if I love him', which then leads to me not going out. He can also be very jealous and doesn't like me having any male friends. We regularly have screaming arguments which lead to a break-up. I feel that we are on a cliff edge all the time not knowing what will kick off the next argument. And find it all extremly stressful. I don't think I want to break up eith him as I love him but sonetimes I feel that I hate him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): You know in your heart what to do. Don't waste your life away hoping that he will change. Move on. So many women ruin their lives that way. If these issues continue it may become threatening to your life. Guys are not that important. Honey you know in your heart that my advice is not really important to you. It will not really have an affect on your life. The only thing that will have an effect on your life is you. Apparently you know in your heart that something is wrong because you are on this website. If you must question yourself about it, it can't be too good. Know woman should ever have to be unhappy or uncomfortable. I am there for you if you ever need to talk please feel free to email me at [email address blocked]. You have more power than you think you have.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (5 November 2005):
i understand how you feel but, as i've been on both sides of this situation, i know how your bf feels too. i feel rejected when my partner does not include me but i wouldn't want to do everything he does and he got upset when i went out without telling him. your bf should trust you and realise you still need a life of your own. it is not fair for him to expect you to only do things with him. you'd get bored with each other and you will resent him for it. you do need your time together. does he go out without you? does he have female friends? my guess is that he does. think about how many times you go out between you and divide it in half. use half the time to go out together and the rest seperatley. it's not fair for him to control you like that. tell him there's no need to be jealous and try inviting yours and his friends out on some of the occassions when you spend time together. he'll know he has nothing to worry about. tell him you do love him but you need time to yourself. don't let him stop you but do spend at least one night a week at home with him and make it quality time.
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