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My bf is outgoing in social settings and I'm shy and uncomfortable. This makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 January 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 January 2007)
A female age 30-35, *weety_246 writes:

hi! i'm a shy young lady who loves her boyfriend, but has a problem with jealousy and possessiveness. Even though, I know he means well to me, I still feel suspicious towards him and asking annoying questions.

Deep down inside I feel that what he tells me is the truth and that he means well, though, I can't get these nasty jealous thoughts out of my head. I get jealous when he talks to another broad, even though I just know he's a very friendly guy.

I also get jealous whenever we're in a social situation. I usually keep to myself in the crowd since I become very shy and uncomfortable. I like people, but I'm painfully shy, and have such a low self-esteem. But he seems to be a great conversationalist who always gets a good first impression. I kind of wish I was like him in that kind of way, though I feel as if he'll always be better than me and I will always feel bad about it. He's just such a natural when it comes to other people. And I put myself down saying that I'll never be as good as him with people. I know he loves me, but I can't stand these bad feelings. Can anybody give me good advice on what to do?

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A female reader, sweety_246 +, writes (12 January 2007):

sweety_246 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you Kenny and Jovial so much. This is good advice from you two. I wish it wasn't so hard to stop these negative feelings in social situations. yah it's very true that i'm feeling jealous because I think he is more entertained by the others. When I think about it, it's ok, though while in the situation it's so hard as my feelings take over me. It's kind of funny how much there is a difference when we're alone and when were with some people. I wish it was as easy to act like myself in front of others as it is easy just being one on one with him.

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A female reader, Jovial South Africa +, writes (12 January 2007):

Jovial agony aunti agree with kenny, your personalities complement each other, build-up your self esteem, learn to be friendly when around people you dont have to talk much as he is the talker imagine if he was just like you, other couples were gonna be bored with you, and you were gonna bore each other as well. so let him spice up while you smile by his side. he seem sweet and understanding so dont be afraid let him know you are shy and feel uncomfortable at times he might be a great help to you, so that he doesnt leave you for a long time with people you are unfamiliar with.

the jealousy part i think is being caused by his friendliness with the others so subconciously u feel like they entertain him more than you do or they are better than you. so stop putting yourself so low and make new friends. hope this helps

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (11 January 2007):

kenny agony auntFrom what you have said you sound like a nice couple, and i don't think you have anything to worry about regarding your boyfriend straying. He is just a confident person, and a good conversationalist who people seem to like.

you have got to stop these feelings of jealousy everytime you are in a social situation and you see him speaking to someone else, whether it be a woman or a man.

You need to work at building your self esteem and your confidence back up.

Try listening to a Paul Mckenna hypnosis CD for building confidence, after you feel will energised, and feel better in yourself too, do this three or four times a week.

Hope this helps. x

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