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female
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anonymous
writes: I have posted twice about this already, but, really, I still feel so scared and confused, and would like some new advice/insight. My boyfriend of just over a year told me a month ago that he was soon going on a working holiday for 2 years, and while we agreed to stay together until then, I thought it would basically mean that our relationship would just kind of fade out. He had planned this long before we got together, and though I vaguely knew about it all along, I thought his plans would change because of us. Even though he's 23, I'm my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend, and he's not sure he is "in love", and says he will only know once he is away from me, even though he knows he will miss me. He cares about me a lot, and we really get on so well together, so I know that he does love me as much as I love him, I just wish he would realise that before he leaves in 2 months time.I've told him how I feel but any ideas how I can get him to realise this? Also, instead of starting to drift away from me, despite me being an obvious pain at times with my occasional crying, my boyfriend is more loving and caring towards me than ever, and we have become even closer in the last few weeks, as well as spending more time together. He still stands by his decision to leave and "see how he feels", but he also says he doesn't want to lead me on or get my hopes up, which makes me think he could be planning to come back after a shorter time for me more than he is letting on. Do you think I could be right or is he just messing with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (27 March 2006):
 I think he is confused about the whole thing as well - I don't think he is messing with you or leading you on, I think deep down he is insecure about the whole plan anyway.
2 years is a long time to go and work in a foreign place. Some people I know who do that tend to come back pretty quickly. I had one friend who was going to move to London "forever" - they were back in 3 months, another who was back in 6.
On the flip side, some go for 6 months to some exotic place and love it and stay longer.
What I am saying is he doesn't know. 2 years is his plan but he doesn't know if he will like it, not like it, miss you, not miss you, have fun, have no fun.....etc etc etc.
I know this is really hard for you and I feel for you. It's not an easy thing to go through but I think the best thing for you is to enjoy the time you have with him until he goes and then move on.
I say this because you don't know his plans and neither does he. If he comes back in 3 months, 6 months, five years whatever and you think it is worth another go, fine, go for it.
But what if he doesn't come back? You need to prepare yourself that perhaps it is not meant to be and if you sit around waiting for him, being upset, you will have a miserable time whilst he is gone.
Yes, this is a test for your feelings for one another but I would also use it as a time to get on with your life, your family, your friends, your study, your work, your travel...whatever it is you want to do.
Get out there and look around, you know what, maybe he is not the one for you and this is a chance to get out there and find what you really want,
I understand you love him but sitting around trying to guess when he will come back is not the way to go. If your feelings are that strong for one another, they will survive and you will be a lot happier if in the meantime you pursue your own dreams and goals like he is.
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