A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriends ex wife had an affair on him twice with the same person.he cant stand her but he has 3 wonderful children with her so he has to have contact with her over the children which i completely understand. unfortunately we are all in the same martial arts association and she makes it her business to ring my boyfriend asking qs about things in Taekwondo.she uses the kids to get him to mind them more when it suits her even though my boyfriend takes them as much as he can.she is always dumping the kids with a babysitter and expects my boyfriend to be there whenever she wants.she is after taking on another job because she seems to have a spendin problem she is money mad my boyfriend bought her out of the house with 150,000 and she spent it all not even buying a house.how do i get her to leave us alone she always makes comments that my boyfriend can collect me from work and is never there for his kids which is lies as he collects them from school when she is busy even though these arent his times yet if he cant do it once she gets the kids to ring and they cry down the phone or she makes comments about me. i need advice my boyfriend hates her but will do anything he can for his kids.aisling
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female
reader, vix100  +, writes (6 November 2008):
 It makes me sooooo cross that women can use their kids like this, knowing that the father will do anything he can for his kids, and so manipulates the kids and the situation to her advantage. It's the kids who lose out and your partner is made to feel like he's not doing his job as a father properly. She will always do this while she is able to.
I totally understand that your partner is scared stiff that he won't be able to see his kids, or is worried that they'll grow up thinking he wasn't a good enough dad to them/not there for them, but I really think he needs to be quite firm with his ex-wife. Have a schedule (a copy for each of them, fortnightly or something) of when he has the kids and when she does - and stick to it rigidly. She is using the kids and maybe feeding them lies about their dad and this is totally wrong and very sad, but happens so much.
If the kids are old enough to understand, maybe he should have a chat with them about it - take advice from a child psychologist if need be on the best way to do this.
Best of luck. x
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