A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help me out.I'm so confused.Sorry its so long, but you have to understand the whole story to answer the questions.I'm almost sixteen years old, and me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year. I never really followed the bible on sex, the whole "wait till marriage" thing, but I've always had my belief that your virginity was to be given to the right person at the right time. Which is probably why i was one of the few people in my circle of friends, which is a pretty large circle, that was still a virgin. Until recently at least. About a month ago, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It wasn't planned, we did use protection, and i don't regret it at all. So a few weeks ago when i started complaining a little, about a minor headache, and a little back pain, and he says that I'm eating way more that I use to ( I think is untrue, I'm a petite and skinny girl and I've always ate EVERYTHING in sight, lol. ) he asked me if I was pregnant. Wow, no I'm not! I knew for sure I wasn't, because when we had sex it barely lasted that long, and I even asked him if the condom ripped. he said no cause he would have felt it. So here I am, worry free because I'm positive I'm not pregnant, and there he is freaking out about it. He was happy to hear that i did get my period. Which I knew I would, I just kinda had this feeling. So, that brought up the question of birth control. We both agreed that I should start taking it so we wouldn't have to worry about a scare like this again. Only problem is, I don't really have my mom around and I've never really been close to my dad. I don't have any adult I could really talk to about it because I'm not comfortable with and don't really trust my dad ( I know it's sad, but its always been like this ) to talk to him about birth control. He thinks that I need to talk to my dad because that's the right and responsible thing to do. And yes, I agree, but I cant. I don't have enough trust for that. So I went online and researched a little, and found out about Planned Parenthood. I found out that I could go there and get birth control myself, pay for it in cash so it wont be on my dads medical bill, and I even found the closest location. Even after all this he still thinks I'm being irresponsible about it. I don't think I am, I'm just doing what I gotta do, just an alternate way.The whole point is he keeps pushing me to talk to my dad. He forever brings it up and I try to make him understand how I feel. Were kinda in the same boat, we don't really trust our fathers. So I tried to make him see how he would feel if he had to talk to his father about something like this. All he says is he would "suck it up". When he doesn't understand i cant do that.I found an alternative, which I thought was very responsible of me, and it seem to not be enough. I was wondering if I'm wrong? Is he right about me being irresponsible? And is there any other way that I could go about getting birth control besides talking to my father, because I thought I found the only way? Help Please!And thank you in advance.
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condom, lost my virginity, period, petite, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): (smile) Well, I am glad it worked out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who answered. I really appreciate it :D
So, after readinq everyones answers, Especially the last one about people giving you asprin instead of birth control, and after talking to my boyfriend i did decide to talk to my dad about it.
And yesterday i did just that. And im really glad i did. My dad was very proud of me that i wanted to protect myself and would talk to him about something that most teenagers wont talk to their parents about.
And my boyfriend was very proud of me too. So it was a win win situation. It wasnt as hard as i expected it to be, i guess to lighten the mood my dad kept joking around about it.
In the end i think i did make the right decision so that i know im really protecting me and my boyfriend :D
Thank you again to everyone who answered! You really helped me alot.
God Bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Anon, if you are getting birth control pills from an unauthorised source, this could be very unwise. Sorry, hon, but I have to say this. You cannot trust this source. Only a certified chemist should issue any drugs...and birth control pills, progesterone, is a drug. I would like to have a talk with bf myself. I might come on a bit strong, but, I think I could tell him the straight of it. You must be very careful, hon. And are you really into sex with him that much? Is it mostly just to please him? I suspect that it is. Anyway, I would advise to drop the source of your supposed 'alternative'. Somebody else may be ripping you off. You could wind up taking aspirin instead of progesterone. People do this, honey. And they have no remorse or conscience. Tell bf it is condoms or nothing. Best wishes, Tom
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male
reader, tux +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Just to clear up something.. No birth control method is 100% even if you combine them.. By combining birth control methods, you are just hoping the backup plan doesn't fail as well.. If pills have 1 out of 10 times at failing and condoms have a 1 out of 100 times at failing, you are just hoping that 1 out of 10 doesn't fall in line with that 1 out of 100.. Combining birth control methods does not mean you are 100% protected.... no birth control besides not having sex can give you that.
But I think you are acting responsibly by wanting to get on birth control beyond just using condoms which will reduce some risk.. Keep in mind that you shouldn't fall into the trap and think since you are on the pill that you can go without the condom because that would defeat the purpose of you getting on the pill to begin with.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 If he would suck it up, tell HIM to talk to your dad.
Anyway, you might want to check if there are no family plannig clinics around that allow girls to see a doctor without informing their family.
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female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 If you don't feel comfortable talking to your dad about this then don't. It's your choice and your boyfriend should respect that.
You've been very responsible, there are many people that take little or no time in worrying about birth control so you should be proud of yourself for taking the initiative to go find out about your options.
Why does your boyfriend want you to talk to your dad about this anyway? Regardless of the kind of relationship you have with him, there are very few girls your age who would want to talk to their dad about this kind of thing!
Just make it clear to him that it's not going to happen and he needs to accept that. Good luck hun x
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female
reader, candyluvsu01 +, writes (12 July 2009):
 i am 15 as well and had the same problem about 2 months ago just not with my boyfriend my best friend (long story) basically she told me to tell my mother and get her permission so i wouldn't get into a load of trouble if she stumbled across them.....maybe that's why he wants you to ask your dad first.
but of course i didn't ask her and bought them anyway.
oh and BTW birth control only works about 90% of the time so add the condom and your 100% protected!
be careful please X
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female
reader, jadeywadey +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Being a girl, I understand how uncomfortable it would be talking to my father about birth control. What are your father's morals on sex? Has he ever tried to lead you in the path of abstinence, or has he even had a proper sex talk with you? If you have no idea what his personal beliefs are on teenage sex, then it might be the right time to have a talk. You do not need to tell him that you are sexually active, nor that you want birth control...just yet. Discuss with him...it will be super hard at first, but casually bring it up, like for example, mention a situation you know of that concerns teenage sex, and approach the issue as an adult. If it makes you feel better, toss in some sarcastic humor...just try to get the answers out of him. If this backfires and he gets angry, then maybe it is not best to tell him yet. You will tell him eventually, but even so, be comfortable when you do. Have a discussion with your boyfriend and get the point across that it may anger your father if the subject of birth control should be brought up. He will not understand right away because guys do not get treated the same way as girls are when they admit to being sexually active...girls' parents tend to get angry or disappointed, seeing their daughters in a bad light. I think you are very responsible for looking into Planned Parenthood to purchase birth control and researching other options...at least you want to keep yourself protected! Just remember...use condoms even if you're on the pill! And be sure to find a pill that works for you...many women are allergic to certain brands.I hope this helped a bit!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Anon., I am not sure what it is your bf wants you to ask your dad for. I suspect that he wants him to pay for birth control pills or a subcutaneous implant. If asking your dad for this is out of the question for you, then you should be open about it. Condoms are a real pain, but better than nothing. He probably does not like them. No-one does. But he should not expect something from you that you cannot do. Just tell him that for now, it is condoms or no sex. He may whine and complain, but he needs to understand and do some growing up.
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female
reader, littlest.devil  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 You shouldn't worry about who is right and who is wrong. Most adults would agree that it would be good for a parent to know. You should be happy your boyfriend cares so much about you though :)! But he should not be pressuring you to do something you do not want to do. It is not like you will not have the birth control if you don't tell your father. Tell him that you are happy that he cares about you but you just do not feel comfortable talking with your dad about birth control. Also ask him why it is so important to him that your father knows. The fact that you researched where to get birth control on your own and that you handled the situation on your own is pretty responsible to me. Most teens would say "screw it" and not use birth control at all. You're already responsible you don't need to tell your dad unless you feel you have to. Maybe he should "suck it up" and respect your feelings :P.
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