A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been friends with this couple for 20 years. They moved states away a long time ago. They email, talk and text Facebook always. I found out recently that he has been having sex with her for like 6+ years and they have secret messages and pics between just the 2 of them. He also cheated on me twice to be with her when she came in town alone to visit. I have forgiven his indiscretions and moving forward, should he remain friends with them? He believes he should and that I am out of line to request he give up his best friends. I say sorry, you shouldn't have had sex with her. . What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2016): Do a deal and get some of your own needs met.
The grass always looks greener on the other side and that's because you have not had to mow it yet.
Life is give and take.
Folks give up too easy these days. I saw a news item this week where a women had left her husband to be with this other dude which seemed very caring. She hooked up with this guy that killed her and her children and then tried to kill himself.
I am not saying stay with a guy that beats you or treats you with disrespect but when I see folks splitting up over such trivial issues and the only people that get hurt are the children.
A
female
reader, EFM94  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Erm... NO THEY SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS!!!Is he for real? Has he even noticed that he has done something wrong?!You should really remove yourself from this situation as you will only carry on getting hurt in the long run. If he has cheated on you before he will do it again... Especially if he knows you will keep forgiving him. You are not a door mat you are a human being with feelings! Have more respect for yourself girl! He seems to be a person who will always put himself first and you last. Get out whilst you can. There will be someone out there for you who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 April 2016):
 When you wrote: "...I have forgiven his indiscretions and moving forward, should he remain friends with them?
He believes he should and that I am out of line to request he give up his best friends.
I say sorry, you shouldn't have had sex with her. . What do you think?" you REALLY told you that you've given him a "pass" for this affair..... AND that you should expect him to continue it.....
If you were my Sister, I'd suggest you dump this cad and get a real boyfriend....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2016):
 You should read this article, see if that can help you realize that you "might" be better off without a man like that...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/04/27/women-who-are-cheated-on-win-in-long-term-while-other-woman-lose/
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2016):
What's the point of telling him NOT to stay friends? I mean it's NOT going to stop him from cheating on YOU again, with her... or someone else.
I think you have totally missed the buss with this guy. He doesn't see you "forgiving" him as ANYTHING more than you sucking it up. And if you can suck it up that he cheated on her for years years, why can't you suck up that he will remain friends with her?
Sorry, you are really in no position to bargain with this guy.
You can tell him till you are blue in the face that it's not OK to remain friends, but... do you really think he is going to respect that? Respect you? Respect the relationship?
Face it OP, he doesn't give a flying fart what you think or feel in this matter. He knows you won't leave him. He has you by the short and curly.
Now you ask is it fair to remain friends? No. Doesn't mean your "BF" thinks so.
I'm NOT saying it's YOUR fault he cheated, but by staying with him you are enabling him to do as he pleases, and given that he had NO problem cheating on you, I doubt he will stop.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 WTF, Are you serious? Far better, is he serious? Sorry but your so called bf is nothing more than an audacious prick. Darn right sister the answer to your question is no. But to be honest, I don't think him or this situation is worth you hanging around to wait and see if he does end the friendship because reality is he's not is he, no intention at all. That is the only thing he has been honest with you about and all that honesty amounts to is further insult. Living without him will be so much easier than living with. Please believe that you can survive with out him. If you chose to stay in an effort prove to yourself that he will choose you over her, again and again you will be the loser in all this. 6 years of cheating and his opinion that you should be ok with it all should tell you this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2016): He has to choose between you or her in his life. One or the other.
It is not your fault. Your demand is the reasonable one. His is not.
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A
female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Get out of this horrible situation. He's been with this woman TWICE whilst in a relationship with you.
If he remains friends with her, the chance of him doing it again is pretty high. Why would you want to be with someone like this? It shouldn't be that you've got say who he can and can't be friends with for fear of him sleeping with someone. Well, it's not fear really, because he would do it again.
You deserve someone who wouldn't so much as look at another woman. You have to think of yourself, why should you put up with this horrible man?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (27 April 2016):
 Hi,
your story sounds totally surreal to me & i'm sure to many readers.
May i just add, your bf hasn't only cheated on you twice, but for 6 years, 6 long years! That's the reality of what is.
Your bf has slept with another woman behind your back and on many occassions, countless to be precise.
You are you, but i am totally surprised that you're so tolerant, forgiving and accepting, of what, to most people, would be totally and utterly unforgivable behaviour.
I suspect you have become somewhat "immune" to your partners behaviour and it may go even deeper, to the point that you do not have very good self-worth, nor self-esteem.
I would encourage you to do some serious inner work on yourself and learning to love yourself so much, to the point whereby you will not accept, nor tolerate such tacky and disrespectful behaviour.
I would advise you to speak to a professional, a counsellor perhaps.
You need to go all the way back, to finding the "root cause" of this situation, within YOUR life.
Your bf doesn't appear to have any respect for you and he is one very lucky man, to have a woman stand by his side, even when he is fooling around continuously, behind her back.
Your bf should NOT BE FRIENDS WITH THIS COUPLE, because she is the woman he is sleeping with and actually, he should STOP SLEEPING WITH HER ALTOGETHER and start behaving like a real and properly committed bf.
The issue here is that, the damage within your relationship is done, so far as your bf being totally honest and fully committed is concerned.
You already know and see what his "true colours" are.
At the end of the day, regardless of what we readers all think, you are holding all the cards and you appear to be pretty laid back about your partners adulterous connection.
Again, i say, your bf should not befriend this couple and how very selfish of him to say that you are "out of line" to request that he give up his best friends!! I mean, seriously?!
He is so damn selfish!
He sleeps with this woman and he knows that you know it's been going on for 6 long years and to add fuel to fire, he now feels "offended", that you would ask him to give this couple up as his "best friends"!
Your bf has a real cheek and must take you for some type of fool.
Remember this, "YOU will be TREATED by the way in which you TREAT YOURSELF and PORTRAY YOURSELF".
I think moreso, than the issue of your bf befriending this couple, you and your bf have much work to do, if your relationship is to survive the long term, from here and now.
I wish you all the best and let us know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2016): The reason he continues to cheat is because you tolerate it. When your eyes are opened then you will see how you are enabling this man to continue sleeping with you both. I wonder how long it will take you to realise this? Hopefully today will be a turning point
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 I think this is a train wreck. Honey, re-read your words: he cheated on you TWICE with this woman. You forgave him for his cheating TWICE. Now he's trying to tell you that it's not fair that he can't remain friends with her??! Unbelievable! He should be kissing the ground you walk on. How dare he make demands like this when he put through such hurt? I honestly don't think he cares enough about you or your feelings. If he did, he never would have reacted the way he did. Seems to me like he still harbors some love/lust for her. Six years of sex, messages etc. tells me he's thoroughly attached. When it comes to choosing you or her, he's already chosen her. Please, move on behold you waste your life on someone who cares so little for you. You deserve so much more!
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