A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically my boyfriend is suffering from anxiety and depression, I have been with him for nearly two years now and i love him, But things are starting to get to me. He blames all our relationship problems on me saying im the moody one, and i never listen etc. I cant talk to him about my feelings anymore cause i dont want to look selfish or put him down more but it is really frustrating! We cant go a day with argueing! Its like i cant do anything right and he doesnt appreciate me. I cant even speak to my family and friends about it cause they dont want me to be with him anyway! Im starting to think im going depressed aswell because the stress, I can never sleep, consistantly worried and on edge! Any ideas on what i could do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for your responces, I have taken all advice in to consideration and i hope now i can deal with it better! thanks again for taking the time out to read and respond :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Hi there,
I'd say yes, get your BF to see a Dr. but at the same time you near literally need to hold his hand.
It is very interesting that he's blaming you normally such people blame themselves and attribute all failure to their feeelings of inadequacy. I get the sense then that he can't deal with some aspect of himself and is finding it difficult to cope and so by not taking responsibility for himself or his actions, he is projecting all that hurt and pain onto you. Either that or his depression is at a critical point where you he simply cannot express his his hurt and frustration at not being able to cope.
More often than not people suffering from depression are dealing with the depths of past hurts and a sense of failure and of course, rejection and so on.
I think that both you and your partner need to be councelled but more importnatly educated about depression and anxiety.
You're right, you can't talk about it because while it might register to an extent, your message might get misconstrued in his mind that could cause fights and more depression for the both of you.
Instead of talking try doing... the most important things you should try is to put into action the things that matter the most, such as listening without judgement and a gentle hug or kiss when you know he's feeling down again or doing little things that will communicate your support...
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I had the problem, he felt overwhelmed couldn't cope so he left... If I'd known what I know now, I'd have told him to take a break.
I couldn't take his demands for me to get better, and he didn't know what to do. I love him, and I know he loves me but he's happier with someone else now.
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A
female
reader, Katie-cola +, writes (23 May 2008):
I was in the exactly same position as you. Everything you mention was the exact case to mine and my ex bf. I know its a very hard thing to cope with. I split up with my bf 2 days ago and i find now that if i try talking to him he listen more.
My advice to you, would be to live your life the way you want. Your bf is down, but do not let it effect your life. Make sure he gets help and goes to the doctors and gets help and maybe to see a councilor, would do him good.
I know its hard to see a love one go through this but they dont realise what they are doing and will get upset and more down by seeing you upset.
My advise to the arguments bit is to back down. I know it will be hard at first but if you do this, it will give him confidence to grow and get him better. Having a relationship with someone who is depressed is hard, but try to do things with them to take their minds off things they will enjoy.
I found the best thing was when me and my ex went away for the weekend and relaxed. Both of us knew we were right for each other and it was great to see him back to himself. I know it wont last for long, but it will show you if your love is worth fighting for. You cant be going there yourself as it wont do you any good. Make sure your still seeing your family often and going out with your friends. This will make sure that you are happy and not feeling down.
People who are depressed never realise their actions and will always look for someone else to blame as it makes them worry less. However, deep down they know what they are saying is wrong. Your bf needs to realise that you are down though and do tell him. Talk to him about how you are feeling and that should encourage him more to seek help, to aid him with getting better.
Hope you manage to work things. xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): Your boyfriend has anxiety and depression an illness that grips the brain in a cycle of negativity. It's catching, because you will start to see things as negatively as him.
You can love and support him all you want, but refuse to pulled into his negative world. He worries, he pushes you aside, he's uptight. This is his problem. He is trapped in his world and it will do you no good to join him. Read up as much as you can about his condition, how it occurs and how you can help.
Give him support, understanding and lots and lots of unconditional love. He already hates himself, so he thinks everybody does. That's why sometimes he tries to hurt you and push you away.
He may not like it and you may feel guilty, but you have spend time away from him doing nice things for you, otherwise you will become so stressed you too may become sick. Encourage him to see a doctor, and maybe ask about medication.
You cannot fight this alone, he can not fight this alone. You need him to get some help, so you got the best possible chance of fighting this together.
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