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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. We haved lived together but he couldn't handle someone being there all the time and wanted his space. He said that on occasion I did his head in (no one else has ever said this about me) so he wanted me to go. Reluctantly, I got my own little house and tried in desperation to get used to living on my own.I am 35 years old and have always lived with someone. Good or bad, it is all I have ever known. I like to share, I am old fashioned but I am a strong woman, I have overcome much in the past. My boyfriend hates clingy women though I am not sure how he would handle a very independent woman. I have recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This has meant I have spent a lot of time at my boyfriend's house where I used to live. I am waiting for further results.Now I am in a mess, I don't want to go to my home, I loathe being on my own in an empty house. I do have friends (no family) but do have to travel to see them (which I have done) My boyfriend wants his space again and when drunk, has been very cruel despite the illness. I have tried to say to him that I don't want to just go back to my home and not have any knowledge of when I may see him again but he said that it can be like that because of work.I feel that at my age I should be settled and perhaps living happily with someone. I really hate this situation and it is making me very depressed.Please help.
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female
reader, zosey +, writes (22 August 2006):
 hey im zoe, it seems that ur boyfriend dosnt want a long term realtionship with u, and that he maby just using up his time, im sorry u have been diagnosed with cancer and my prayers r with u to overcome it. maby u should go to a bar or something and try to meet new friends that lvie closer so u dont always have to travel to see a friend, ur boyfriend may feel abit trapped and didnt want a long term relationship from the start even thought he may not of stated this, and with the illness he may not no how to feel towards u, it is a difficult situation but ur boyfriend if he wants to stay with u and help u through should be there for u and u should maby consider talking to him talling how u feel letting him have his say and try not to argue or get upset, this may help ur understanding with eachother, i hope everything goes ok, take care and good luck, right back on and tell me how things went yh, ta it would be nice to here ur ok and happy again. zoe
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Wait...it sounds like boyfriend himself has his own issues and is projecting them onto you.
Oh yah, there it is. He's an abusive drunk and even when he isn't drunk.
That you have had a past to "overcome" this would explain why you feel you could only have a drunken and abusive bloke to love and care for you and guess what,he doesn't.
Sounds uncaring of me I know but Babe, I have also thought and felt the same about myself and I married a most abusive, mean, controlling man that was happy in slowly destroying me to the point where I honestly beleived I was a worthless lump of crap and that I should just kill myself. Funtimes.
Have you ever had individual counseling?
I think you should join some group therapy through a local church's program, mainly because they are free or little cost.
Then see if you can get some individual therapy to deal with those ghosts of the past.
You do not deserve a man who can not love you the way you want and need. There is a man who whould want to be that for you and he is out there.
Get strong.
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