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female
,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend of 14 years has hardly ever come straighthome after work he usually goes to the bar, he never even really communicated with me. he now drinks more and if it's possible talks less with me now.accusing me of having affairs. he states he is over 18 years old and can do what he wants and what he does, doesn't affect me and my children, and to stay out of his busines. How do I get him to understand my and my childrens position ? I've tried to talk about it but he denies everything, even down to how I feel.
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female
reader, sugersweet02 +, writes (23 August 2006):
 need to talk to him. a seriouse talk to see how he feels inside without no drink if he is still accusing you leave him and show him whos boss he dont deserve you if he drinks!in drink mean/woman dont care or understand about other people so theres no point of wondering why he is accusing u of cheating he dont care about any1 but himself im sorry to tell u but you could get a better boy friend and who dont drink like your present one and who talk to you!!!!! good luck xox
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 August 2006):
 You may think he is your 'boyfriend' but he doesn't treat you like his 'girlfriend'. Alcoholics are great at bottling things up and terrible at open communication - if he prefers the beer over the bar to the warm comforts of home then something is badly wrong. However, it is his problem - you cannot take responsibility for him and it doesn't sound like he is looking for support. Give him a deadline to sort things out, ask him to come home from work for a family meal at a certain time every night and if he fails to do so then conclude that he doesn't respect you or the family life you have together. You should then leave him to send a clear message that you don't settle for half-measures in relationships. It maybe the best thing you could do for him - it may make him face up to his alcohol problem and lifestyle problems if he realises there are consequences to his actions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): Honey, it sounds like this man isn't capable of loving you as he doesn't even love himself.
What he is doing does in fact matter to you and affect you and your children.
His absence is abusvie to you and your children. This isn't good and his behaviour is damaging you and your children.
It is time to re-evaluate your life and relationship.
Get your children into some counseling through your local programs...start making calls to some agencies by looking in the yellow pages.
Get some counseling for yourself.
It is very clear that ground rules need to be put in place.
Discover these in counseling.
Get strong for yourself and for your children. STop this cycle of abuse by teaching your children that this is unacceptable.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (21 August 2006):
 You need to talk to this man seriously and think whether or not you are willing to continue this life with him. Personally, I would not stay with a guy who was more interested in getting smashed than coming home to his wife and children. You made the family together and he should be there and want to be there as well.
He is being very childish and demanding by telling you to keep your nose out of his business. When his family are missing out, it is your business and you have every right to complain about what he is doing.
You both need to sit down and work out whether this can be sorted out. If not, you have to walk away for the good of your children and for you too. Maybe you two should try marriage counselling, maybe there's something on his mind that is making him react this way and getting to the bottom of this may help. If not, maybe let him get counselling on his own first, he obviously has issues that need resolving.
All I can say to you is sort this out or get out. You're not happy and no one deserves to live like this. Please make him get help and tell him if he doesn't start acting like he has a family more, he soon won't have one to worry about.
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