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My BF constantly preaches at me to point out the wrongness of my religious beliefs!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 March 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend is deeply religious and raised in the christian church. i however was raised by an deist (that god does not play a part in the outcome of your lifes events) parent and a catholic parent. i chose to take the deist route.

my boyfriend however constantly preaches at me, telling me i am wrong for my beliefs and that all other religions are bull. he has gone as far as to have said an ex of his had a father as a preacher. i sarcastly retorted i'm sorry my father was a carpet cleaner. i attempt to tell him no religion is wrong and what someone believes in is not a matter of right or wrong, however he shuts me out and says i'm stupid.

he says the way i think upsets him and my "free spirt" is troublesome to him, yet he "loves" my personality and "loves me to death and wants to marry me". i am compleatly lost by this and his overboard preaching.

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A female reader, lilmisse2424 United States +, writes (24 March 2008):

lilmisse2424 agony auntHi there,

I am not so sure if this is the right guy for you. He seems like he is self-righteous and bigot towards other religions. The way he is acting may be unhealthy, and if he keeps up with that and has a problem with your religion and makes a huge deal out of it, I would leave. It is not a good one for you. He seems like an extremist, and they are the type of guys to avoid. So, what I would do? Get out now. You deserve so much better than that, hun. Good Luck!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

Hi, well you shouldnt have to put up with this! Ask yourself what you like about this guy and could you spend your future with him. If he is like this now then he will get worse. I would get out now.

take care

xx

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (24 March 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntHe is self righteous ,a religious fanatic and a bigot.

He uses his religion according to his whims and fancies.

By his own high standards , he should not associate with an

atheist like you.

A round peg into a square hole.

You two are incompatible and you will be like the teeth

always biting the tongue ..

This is not a partnership made in heaven.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

His overboard preaching is based on lack of toleration for other beliefs than his own. This raises the doubt whether he is able to manage other disagreements (nonreligious) elegantly, since this situation he treats by insulting you. What have you to gain?

Also be careful with people that don't bring justification of their pretences, as their logic may be rather flimsy, supported on "because I say so" or "so I have been taught." The challenge in continuing this relationship is not defending your beliefs from his intolerance, but to establish a basis of mutual respect and acceptance of each other's distinct ideas! Yes, it has much to do with his upbringing and the ideas he was innoculated, which he will wish to transmit to his children. What have you to gain if he calls you "superstitious" or "errant" in front of your children? Think of how you can avoid that, in the long run.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008):

Hi Hunny

Oh dear things should not be like this, We have all the right to believe in what we wish as we are indervidual people...And he canot push his belief on you this way or as my mother tryed to do as I was growing up it will make you either go nuts or go completely the other way, He should have thought about what he wanted in a woman before , if he had wanted a fully blown christian woman then he should have gone and got one...We have to make our own choices in life hunny and what you said was right no religion is wrong to the person that believes....Your beautiful free spirit is troublesome to him WHAT A LOAD OF PISH POSH!!!!!!This is your wonderfull beautifull personality that god gave you may I add....If he loves your personality then how can he not love your free spirit as this is part of your personality, it is your personality bubbly happy free spirited....MARRY YOU EH!!!!!hunny if he is treating you this way now, I would think very clearly before you marry him.....JUST THINK!!!!! He is dictating to you now and calling you stupid, I dont think god or jesus thought anyone of us stupid!!!!!!!So what enternal right does he have..To speak to you this way hunny.. PISH POSH AGAIN!!!!!!! Hun just think before you marry this man I no you love him but you canot live to be like and to do as someone else for ever you have to be allowed your own belief your own free spirit as it is this that makes you the beautiful loving person you have become today...And carpet cleaners are very handy dads to have! YOU TAKE CARE SWEETHEART WITH ALL THE LOVE N SQUISHY HUGS IN THE WORLD MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (24 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntAh, the saviour. The holier then thou partner who will save you from your wicked ways. What are you doing reading this? You should be running.

It don't matter what you do, this type of person will ALWAYS think they are "better" then you and try to change the way you think. The religion itself doesn't really matter, it can even be something like a "save the planet" type who will always be telling you that what you are doing is wrong and you should follow their example. It don't matter what you do, they will always have done it better, if you prayed for an hour, they prayed for two, if you changed all the lightbulbs to energy efficient, they installed leds.

You can't reason with people like this, they are happy in their world view as it means they never have to question themselves and can ignore any critisism as being unworthy.

If you keep going with this guy you will become his project, trying to shape you into his image and this project will never be complete.

Get out and get out now and yes this will mean that he will forever see you as a victim of a wrong religion.

Don't get involved with extremists.

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