A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay just the other day I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend while I was on my cruise for Spring Break with my family.Like I said, it was spring break and now it is June 2 and i just now found out about it. They have been hiding it from me this whole time.My question is... If I should forgive?But my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half now. I really love him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I dont want to be treated like that and be screw'd over.Please help me out!
View related questions:
best friend, cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tealbaby3 +, writes (8 November 2009):
 Don't go back to him. Get good people in your life. If you go back to that, you're first of all nuts.... because I've had the same thing happen to me, and it has traumatized me (there is no way I could ever picture myself going back). Just let him go, you don't need to "win" him over. A real man will love you just as you are and same with a real friend. Wow. I can't believe you would think of going back... that's like placing the knife in his hands to stab you in the back with again. And if you go back, you have lost complete respect for yourself, and that's placing the cherry on top of the whole situation. Your friend, bf, and you, don't respect you... that's not good. Trust me, if you leave and find someone new, you will look back and realize that ur relationship was never that good to begin with and that you were nuts for ever liking such a scumbag! Get some counseling, get involved with positive things, get people in your life that really care about you, re-evaluate whats important and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Well, i was dating my boyfriend for four years. we had been thru everything together, specially since he helped me with my fathers passing. One day him and my best friend decide to get drunk together and they fooled around. I took him back (stupid of me) .. 9 months later my EX best friend walks into OUR life with HIS baby.. talk about a smack in the face. All im saying is that one day its going to come back and haunt you. You say u can forgive.. but u can never forget.. there is noway to erase that from your mind. If your ready to face that pain everyday when u wake up than so be it. But trust me, there is a whole nother world out there with a different perspective. Life is about lessons, so take your new found knowlege and better yourself and your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jettaviator +, writes (7 November 2007):
This seems common, Just had my BF cheat with my girl friend, it did not hurt so much that the act was done but the fact that I was deceived and lied to by both of them. It made me feel like a total pos. I got back together with her, and was finally able to talk to him again, only to find out that he was calling and texting her almost every night trying to get her to come over to his place when I was away on business. The only reason I found out the second time was because I got home early from a trip, and my cell battery was dead, so I went to use her phone and low and behold there was a text that came up and said hey sweetie want get together tonight. I replied yes told him to meet me at Star bucks, I then told her that we should go out for coffee tonight, she agreed, I deleted the text from her phone. we got to the Star bucks, sat down with our coffees when I saw his car drive by I went to the rest room; soon enough he was talking with her and she had a blank stair on her face then when he saw me come out he got the blank stare. I walked over told both of them of how they were worth nothing more then the dog pooh scraped from the bottom of a shoe, and left. I found out the hard way that once a cheat always a cheat!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): This seems common, Just had my BF cheat with my girl friend, it did not hurt so much that the act was done but the fact that I was deceived and lied to by both of them. It made me feel like a total pos. I got back together with her, and was finally able to talk to him again, only to find out that he was calling and texting her almost every night trying to get her to come over to his place when I was away on business. The only reason I found out the second time was because I got home early from a trip, and my cell battery was dead, so I went to use her phone and low and behold there was a text that came up and said hey sweetie want get together tonight. I replied yes told him to meet me at Star bucks, I then told her that we should go out for coffee tonight, she agreed, I deleated the text from her phone. we got to the Star bucks, sat down with our coffees when I saw his car drive by I went to the rest room; soon enough he was talking with her and she had a blank stair on her face then when he saw me come out he got the blank stare. I walked over told both of them of how they were worth nothing more then the dog pooh scraped from the bottom of a shoe, and left. I found out the hard way that once a cheat always a cheat!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): My boyfriend did the same thing to me. The only difference is i walked in on it. To have the two closest people in your life go behind your back and betray you like that is unforgivable. I tried for a few months to carry on and try to forgive and forget, but there was always that image in the back of my mind, and my trust for him was blown right out the window. How do you know he won't do it again. To top it off, this wasn't the first time he did this to me - so i can almost see it as my fault because i let him get away with it before, he knew just what to do and say to get me back. There are so many fish in the sea sweetie, its tough to get back out there but there are men with morals who wouldn't do this to you. And what kind of friend is that who goes behind your back like that. Every girl knows that you don't f*ck around with your friends bf's. Its like an unspoken AND widely spoken girl rule. It's wrong and dirty and repulsive. You're better than both of them, they deserve each other. I hope whatever decision you decide to make you make you feel strongly about it. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend about a week ago. They were both drunk. I sorted it all out with my boyfriend but then later other friends told me i hadnt been told the whole story. I confronted my boyfriend later that day and he begged for me to forgive him and insisted he couldnt remember what happened that night, but there is nothing to stop him doing this again.Ive had alot of arguements with both of them and as a result, it is over between me and my boyfriend, and ive lost my best friend of many years. Im now alot happier since doing so. I know it will take me a while but it will be ok eventually. I think you should follow my lead. The two people you trust the most in your life have betrayed them. How can you possibly forgive them. And also they have kept it for a very long time. You deserve better boyfriends and friends than them two. They suit each other well and should leave them both to it. They obviously dont care much about you so why bother with them. I hope my advice has helped and that you sort everything out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): This exact thing happened to me too, i was with him about a year, and he cheated on me with my best friend. My best friend is still my best friend, and im still close to him. They're also still friends. But the feelings between him & me are still there, but honestly, those feelings that he will do it again, and that your best friend has no respect for you, is always there, especially when your with them, its really hard. But in the end its your choice x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Hey, im really sorry about what happened.Recently, i've been realizing how one of my close friends and my bf have been together almost everyday..and he complains to her that im not close with him.I say dump him...once a cheater always a cheater. You dont want to be feeling paranoid the whole time you're with him. But then again you have to ask yourself if it's worth it?
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Cheating is never forgivable in my view. It's adding injury to insult when they cheat with your best friend. If he is willing to do it with your best friend, it shows the great lack of respect that he has for you and your relationship. I would drop them from your life, and find new friends, not to mention a new guy for your life. You deserve to be able to trust your partner, have him trust you, and to love and be loved.
DV1
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 June 2007):
Cheating is never forgivable in my view. It's adding injury to insult when they cheat with your best friend. If he is willing to do it with your best friend, it shows the great lack of respect that he has for you and your relationship. I would drop them from your life, and find new friends, not to mention a new guy for your life. You deserve to be able to trust your partner, have him trust you, and to love and be loved.
DV1
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Not only has your boyfriend been lied to you, but you have also been betrayed by your best friend also.
It is really up to you if you feel you are strong enough to put all this behind you and forgive your boyfriend and your best mate then do it. But no one would think bad of you for walking away from the whole thing and saying good ridance like alot of people would.
If you do forgive him could you ever be 100% sure that the same thing would not happen again. Problem is with these sort of things, like ROY OF THE ROVERS said it is easy to forgive but not to forget, no matter what you do it is always going to be in the back of your mind.
All the best of luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (4 June 2007):
 Hun, they BOTH betrayed you.
They BOTH deserve to NOT be part of you anymore.
You're better off without them, they obviously didn't think about you when they did it and they almost certainly didn't care.
Hunni, Get rid of both of them. Find a MAN not a player and find a TRUE FRIEND not an abuser of trust.
...............................
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (4 June 2007):
 way i see it talk to him first see if there is enough love there to carry on and if u willing to go counselling if u feel that, that is what u need. it not fair on u to be cheated on but see if there is still something there but u can love him but does he love u still i hope it works out for uu in the end x
...............................
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (4 June 2007):
 You have been lied to on two fronts here, one by your fella the other by your best mate.
Question is as you put it can you trust him again?
Why did he cheat? (Not there is ever a good reason).
The problem lies here. Your trust in him has now has been damaged and there may not be a way back to regain that trust you once had. Things are going to be totally different from now, you see him in a totally different way.
What stops someone from doing this again, and more importantly what makes them think they can do this without repercutions.. I know myself i would never be able to carry on a relationship where someone went behind my back with my best friend. (I dont think you can get lower).
To undermine your relationship like this has put a pin on where his loyalties lie and how much commitment he was/is willing to put into your life. You should be thinking hard about where you want to go from here as you are and put your feelings and emotions to the fore front of any decisions you make.
It may be easier to forgive someone over time, but to forget? not always that easy. Are you the kind of person that can forgive someone this close when they have done such a thing? Can you see yourself trusting him again and being happy with everything?
Someone who has cheated like this has little morale standards and is more likely to do this again.
How did you find out? Did he tell you?
Bottom line is. Put yourself first in all of this and dont back down from how you feel about it all. You have been trodden on by the 2 closest people in your life. Nothing to ignore.
If you love him and you want to give it a go then fine, but be prepared for the trust element to pop its ugly head time and again. For now he has changed everything for you and placed you in a difficult position.
R
...............................
|
