A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:a while back my boyfriend beat the crap out of me, like literally. i don't even want to talk about it. and for some silly reason i decided to stay with him.now he's getting into the wanting to talk about it phase and the other night he was like "how did it affect you?" I don't know how to answer that, but i just don't want to talk about it with him.Every time he tries and brings it up i just get all antsy and tell him i'm fine. I don't know if this really effected me like mentally or not...Am i reacting how i should? what should i say when he wants to talk about it? how do i know how it's affected me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Firstly I must say how sorry I feel for you only because I have been there myself. What I suggest you do is get an A4 plain sheet of paper and write down exactly how you feel.
The reason why I suggest this is because if you are a bit confused the best way to deal with it is by literally 'vomitting' your thoughts on paper or you may want to try recording your voice and listening back to what you have said. You don't have to write an essay, maybe just a few words which relate to how you feel or maybe even drawings. Once you have done this you may be able to relate to these feelings and that is one step foward in being able to deal with what exactly is bothering you.
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (24 September 2007):
What are you still doing with him.
If he has been this brutal towards you there is no way you should still be with this control freak.
Staying with him isn't silly - it is stupid. It is a deathwish you are putting on yourself - get out of this relationship and get out of it now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): You need to ask yourself why you are choosing to stay with a sadistic individual who shows no remorse. He just wants to delight in the power he felt by inflicting physical and psychological damage on you. It's not healthy or normal or right in what he did to you and him wanting to talk about it making you antsy shows you are in danger-that feeling should be trused;you know you are not safe.
Who taught you it is acceptable to allow anyone to do this to you or that is how someone you are choosing to trust and love to betray you by disrespecting you and violating your person?
Trust and love in yourself and run while you still can.
Please.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 September 2007):
 Next time he brings it up ask him to go first. Did beating you up make him feel all big and powerful. Did he have fun? Did it remind him of the animals he used to torture as a boy? Did it feel good to cause you pain and humiliation? So good that he may want to do it again soon and maybe hitting harder would feel even better? Ask him. And after you get your answers, get out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): You shouldnt still be with him. He caused you actual bodily harm and can be arrested for this. You should of called the police and had this sorted for once and for all. How can you still be with him? No one should ever be hit! It is all wrong, dont accept this behaviour not for one minute, and as for talking about it, well, i think this is one sick puppy you have yourself! Get away now before he kills you and it does happen.
take care and let us know that you have left him.
xx
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A
female
reader, S - soadlover :-) +, writes (24 September 2007):
 a way to explore your thoughts is to right them downsounds silly i kno but it helpsyou say you dont what to talk about what your bf did to you so mayb you should write it all down tht way you will soon find out how you feelin my eyes you shouldnt have stayed with your bf but it is your choice i am not going to tell you what to do just ask yourself if it is fear of him that is keeping you togethrif it is fear you need to get outwen you hav sorted through your thoughts you will find it easier to talk but dont let him pressure you into it for the time being tell him that you dont know how you feel about it and you are not able to talk about it yetif he loves you he will understandif he doesnt then i kno hun that you can find yourself a better man tht doesnt beat you i wish you the best of luck x x
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (24 September 2007):
 I dont want to be cruel but leave him! He beat you and hurt you and your still with him! Huni you can do alot better then being with an abusive partner if he has done it once and you didnt leave or report him he could easily do it again, you deserve better and i think you should get the hell out of this relationship! If it keeps happening and he does it again and again it will effect every relationship you ever have again i know someone who was beaten to death by her boyfriend because she couldnt leave him, staying with a man who beat you is a very bad thing to do get the courage be brave and leave him before he does it again.
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