A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there everyone...I'm with my boyfriend nearly 2 years now. I'm 30 and he's 33 and already has a young son who is 9 but I feel like I want a baby of my own with him. He says he doesn't want another child cos he has a son already...I'm afraid that if I leave it too late... I'll never have one. I don't want to get pregnant and then have him leave me... Can any one advise me what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I had an ex boyfriend who didnt want children, I left him and he went on to have a child with his new girlfriend. So don't take what a man says at face value they do change their minds but they could still walk.
Only you can answer this as you will have to live with the decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I don't understand why you can't care for his son as your own child. If it's because you want something of his for your own, well you have his love and children make poor souvenirs. If you attempt to trick him into parenthood you'll only lose him and end up with a baby who will grow up without a father. This will make the child more likely to become violent, use drugs, do poorly in school, and become a single parent themselves. Obviously these aren't guarantees but why risk it? Also don't expect any help financially from him. He has made it clear he doesn't want another child and will avoid paying for your betrayal of his trust in any way he can.
Again there is a child already in this relationship and you could be a wonderful mother to him. If you can't get over your need to have one related by DNA (rather than related by love and caring) then it would be best to break up with this man and find someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): what took you the 2 years to realize that he DOESNT want another kid? you need a new man if you want this. sorry it took you so long to come to such a big issue...
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 You should believe him when he says that he doesn't want another child. Although you love him I think it is best that you find a partner who wants a family as much as you do. If you get pregnant against his wishes he will be resentful, and that would not make you or the baby happy. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 I agree somewhat with what penta has said. You should believe him when he says he doesn't want another child, on the other hand, he is making a choice for both of you and that is wrong because I know what it's like to be with someone who didn't want kids, when I did. I ended up feeling empty and resentful after it was too late for me to safely get pregnant because of my age. If I had to do it over, I would get pregnant regardless of what he wanted, and just take my chances knowing that if he did decide to end the relationship, I'd still be able to enjoy the experience of motherhood and would probably later find another man who would love the idea of helping me raise my child. Some men will actually say they don't want kids, but will stick around afterwards and be fine with it. Some will leave or have affairs because of their unhappiness. As long as you know this going into the situation, you will be able to accept whatever happens should you choose to get pregnant, knowing he doesn't want any more kids. It's a gamble but what have you got to lose? You either end the relationship now, and hope to find another man who will want kids, and then you have to go through the whole process all over again, of getting to know someone blah, blah, blah -- or roll the dice and see what your current man does when he finds out you're pregnant. If he leaves, he leaves. You can still find someone else later. That's how I see it. And who knows, maybe once the baby arrives, he'll be so overjoyed, he'll change his mind.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (27 September 2007):
 If you want children you need to find another man to father them. Believe him when he says he doesn't want one, and find the strength to leave. You can't compromise on children, and getting pregnant over his objection isn't fair to the child.
You have plenty of time. I had my sons when I was 37 and 39 and they're beautiful.
Make sure you're in the right relationship with the right man before you have a child. Your children deserve this.
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